intoxicating illusions

2008-06-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

2.07am.
The lighted city

Downright.

2008-06-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

I Don't Know What The Hell I Am Studying For.

fuck.,

Lord, i told you to help me not run away.

2008-06-28T08:59:00.001-07:00

Ah. Sean Farris. lol, Valerie you have your Tom Kultz and all.

Besides Mike He, Finally. Sean Farris. Haha.

Do you ever feel like cursing hard when you see the digits rising and rising when you are seating in the cab during a big trffic jam and mother long red light.

I do.

Roar. Forget about the bucks. Its the fact that.. i tried shit to rush to the airport after church to meet at Changi Airport. Xiang Jie went New Zealand to studie._. Roar. And i didnt turn up at the last gathering as well. All i got to do was : race like some olympic around the Marde Big Changi Airport with three terminals-.- All i got to do was : run around with my loud 'clucking- slippers and getting stares because the airport is damn quiet. And all i got to do was: to talk to xiang jie on the phone. I mumbled ''pray everyday! And god bless.. and.....'' But i guess,. She didnt hear. Its not important what i say, but.. whats important is. I really wanted to see her. ''One last time''. Nice workout in Changi. Ran arond terminal two and overshot at terminal three. Darn.

Thanks Zhenyan, Alot. You answered what i asked for. This is the second time i see Zigen cry. And.. i really don't knw what to say. Lord, you replied me.

I wanted in my heart to hug Zhenyan and she came to do it straight away .( Man. I jjust just just received Zhenyan,*grins Msg! Coincidence or what! ) .

Eh.. aw. Roar. Then, i asked lord to show me l.ov.e. And straight away, the three of them as if of divine call , prayed for me. ! We were supposed to pray for one another. They were praying out loud in tongue.But, i mumbled. Then, suddenly they came closer to me. and prayed for me.me.

Their words.. They. They trust me! They believe in me. They prayed for me. Thanks,''sister! (:

My future, dreams and hopes are in your hands.

I believe in you cause you believe in me.

Mould my future. i am yours.

Never thought i post like this.

Change me ya baby.

Decided to go century square after an hour. Then, watched "Never back down.' Shrieked and screamed alot. heh. Love it . Esp Sean Farris. Immediately tried to rmbr his name once the credits came out.! Great show. Really. I wanna go kickboxing soon! real soon. Wished they didnt slang too much though. And the rest keep asking me why i laugh! I don't knowwwwwwwww. lol.

Show me what this life is about.

This is a call.

Who said she wanted to do her homwork today.

You only did one maths question during the advertisement of dou niu yao bu yao today Kristal.

back at 12.
Bed at 2.
Shag.

Lord, you catch me when i'm falling

2008-06-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

''Dear girl, whatever will be will be will be.''. Papa said.

Dearest Diary:
First week of school is over, Booyeah. I feel a lil' tiny sense of accomplishment in me. ! *grins Completing homeworks and trying and trying. I hope i never cease to stop. Teacher's compliments, scoldings=wholepackage. Devoured a book it in a single gulp, read through the day.There came a part:

"'And what if it does'nt work out in the end?What if you try and end up falling?Why do it, then? '' ''Because we have to try,''
Ah, the reply sucks, but ya. You get what i mean.

This year, I suddenly love reading. Hoho. They bring me far far away,
I guess life is all about grasping the beat. Study, play & breathe life baby. Playing every moment to its fullest. Probably

I have been a veryvery happy girl this week! With the laughs, talks,incidences and games provoked .You people are the best damn things. Everything really seems to be falling into place. And i realized, : you know when you are really tired when you can yawn while bathing. Hehe. Fuck much?
Thogh the hapiness, i have to admit,Things are different. A whole lot? Sometimes i've been fighting hard yet sometimes when i stop to catch a breath, i start asking myself. WHY. Why do all these. And then, i start becoming ''intimidated; lol, kylie-.- And then, ya. Thinking brings me to ass places. ^^. Just that, yesterday. Suddenly i felt like i hold the weight of the world. Ah wong. Heh. Ku xiao bu de. Thanks............ You know you have been busy!._. You know it sucks. You know. you knowwwwwww.

Today was yet another fun day. Somethig diffrent. Unawared Changes are good. Ate noodles with Shija,Adrain and alll. They really make me laugh alot. And i like it! hehe. Its really nice to have guys around , you will.. feel protected, much. And taken well cared of. To the 6 of you. Thanks for being so honest-.-, shouting to me giving me my munchy doughnuts! ahahhaa. Funny.Telling me i should not walk at the alley and Jay offering to guard me with banana leaves.! Laughing your asses off when i told you'll i got spondge bob boxers from a long time ago, . Great time. ! .

What else.Sigh.
Today in class we had to do an experiment on science reflction. Each of us received a mirror.
ELGIN: I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I know the first thing sure kristal look at herself in the mirror one-.-
Lol. Good lah. Say so loud somemore. Heheeee.

And sometimes I can't mention how I really feel inside because I tend to forget stuff the moment I start typing. Like I hv so many things to say, and so many different people to talk to, but then again I feel like if I were to tell that someone how I really feel, things might change because life isn't that simple and if I say something I meant but it sounds all wrong, everything might change between us. Because life goes on but feelings dont. Wait I'm not making sense. At all. )

I shall just stop here!
Haha. Bebe, Fafa,Tiatia,ShanShan,Heahea,Jingjing, and i cannot rmbrr aahh. Dig it.

Kriskris.
Xoxo.

You will never see me,
till you are part of my life.

Somewhere over the rainbow

2008-06-22T03:11:00.000-07:00

Hey all. Life has been great. Its been passing me through.
And i will try not to backspace what i am typing here.
I don't want to have second thoughts. hhhhaah.

I really feel like going for the missionary trip, and i really don'd mind saving hundreds to go. :D

Irritating, i feel bored of my blogskin already. Don;t know last time who say will not change the blogskin anymore because she wants to assure herself spending a whole day looking at codes is not a waste of time.

+++++++++++++++++++

This holiday is like action-packed.So, i really enjoyed myself i guess.
They say happy times past by very quickly, holidays are over in a matter of time so.. i guess i'd been happy.? Ah, shit. I am not making sense.

+++++++++++++++++++

And, i want to reply tags. But everytime i see the many accumulated, i.. ya la! Don't feel like already. Btwaaaaay, the song is forever-fireflight. And i will reply tags. Soon, Patience.

So many things left undonee leeh.
ah, shutup.

Deep down the valley

2008-06-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Today

2008-06-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

Huiting and I at sg flyer. Jacq and I . My wallpaper.

In the cinema. At b.k,ecp longlongtimeagowith xin.
Played alot of games, won Rats But i won
A bigbig teddy bear!(: hehe. Alghter abt
20bucks spent. but, nice tim

Sososomanypikcures.
.

Where do i start.
Watched KunFu panda ytrday.
Funnnyy. hhee, Heard many kids laughing they were like ' hehehe!'
Make me even more want to 'Hahaae'.
Xiao dao.. hen shuang.
Watched withjacqbro,qixiang,jon.!(:

On the way home, we were talking about our horoscope, I am a lamb! I think.. hee. Then qixiang and jacq expressions were classic. HAHHAA. AND THIS YEAR CRISTMAS, I PINKYFINGERSWEAR THAT IT IS GOING TO BE FUN SHYT. whoa. Heh.

Haha. Theres No Special Ingredient.
--Fkplayrs.

Don't really know what to say. Shall just keep my mouth shut, YAA.
.
..
....
......
Renee,Haha. .
Forgotten atcually.
But, Luckillly.Got you to remember Leeh.! (:

Makka trend for you to rmbr evry c-h-rished 15th. Great.
Happy gas/les Partner Day .^^

Slept at 4am. and Kraven. Did you sleep! Hahaha. Imagine you at wildwild wet really fall down the slide, i laugh. Track at 8 was tiring but fun i gueess. 3hrs+ of sleep sucks. The sun sucks too.
Darn Hottttt. Then went to valerie's house. Played neopets. Haha. Eat instant noodles.. withegg!
lol,valerie. Ainiorh HAHAHA. Then you go '' i know''.-.- Then bang back to zero. lol. Back home slept whole day. Roar. Homework. !

Hello. [s]bye[/s]

-----Then i see you standing there,wanting more from me.And all i could do is try.
xoxo.

I can't decipher reflections from reality.

Holler back.Getting closure.

2008-06-14T08:49:00.001-07:00

To you. all.

I either feel like deleting my blog or changing to livejournal

I need to catch myself.

I like to depend.

depend=childish.

but i still like.

But i will stop.

i will. ^^.

I can.

Hello, Just me

2008-06-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

Today, was fun!.
Went to sit singapore flyer with mommy's side cousins. Ben lai wanted to sit at night, and was really looking forward to see stars and all. Then changed to morning. Buut, Still great! :D Took maany photos. Spent my last few mins on flyer talking to b.t! hehe. EHH. one min up there 1buck. Talk to you, not cheap leeh. But, its great to hear your voice again. lol.
Went to watch The incredible hulk too. Nice! And a lil funny (: AHH. So nice to have someone big carry you and protect you. the feellinnnnnnnngg. And, the hulk. his eyes. are.. i strared straight into it. So much feelings.
'GRRAAAH'. He went.

I learnt that the hardest thing to say is not i loveyou.sorry.thankyou.need/wantyou.or what.
But,

Byebye.

Hearing whispers that you no longer care.

2008-06-12T06:21:00.001-07:00

So much to say
But where do I start
Would you listen if I spoke from the heart
It's simple things
That keep us apart
You know it doesn't have to be this way

So if I did something wrong please tell me,
I wanna understand.Cos I don't want this love to ever end.
But hell no. I am not standing here forever.
girls.

Don'tell me all these 'last min!' Its just...excuses.Nvrmind. It just cuts me open and make
my eyes burn. I demanded my tears to stay in.

Today, track was great.
(:

Tell me you'r here and you will watch over me forever.

Its easy.

2008-06-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

Anyone who says sunshine brings hapiness
has never danced in the rain
-Joyce Perz.

-------------------------------------------------

I'll make this work. Dreams will always be dreams unless you put them into action. Got this from shawn tan diary in primary school. haha.I'm Done with everything..esp. tryingJust to realised. why care so much. ?

It takes courage to make a fool of yourself. Always look at what you have left, not what you have lost.Oky, if you are cheying me or what now.-.- I just realised it now,. so what. its better than nothing!(:

If you love someone let it go,and if it comes back then thats how you know.
Ahhhh was pondering on this phrase today and it's so true.
Suddenly. Even what jiepin told me comes to mind:Its not your job to save the world and be superwoman,
I cannot remember the last part. But ya. I don't care about the past nor future.
I care. about the present.! (:

Above was Just a sudden thought.

So many things lately. I don't know where to start.
Right now, I'm asking myself : What am i willing to become?
Man. Before anything, i want to say :

Thanks Zigen. hehe. I'm not used to hear you being called Daniel, chicken!/: But, yeaah. talk about transformation. hahaha. And thanks for scaring me at the lift early in the morning and leaving me to scream . Hehe. Atcually, no. for picking me up! . Don't know how long never see each other already leeeh. Eeyer. But wl. You still have a foul mouth. Hahhaa. You great chicken. ! W/o a need to try being nice. Cause you are a natural. Like man, constant. Can weee go playground agaaainnnn._. Imagine you now, running. HAHA. train body onlly-.- biiiig deal. lol. Taller one head,skin nice shyt,,oldereeeer.,.Oh sheesh. Lol. EHHHH,nice shirt * looks at demi too. hhaha.

I'm not blinded anymore.Now i see things clearly, like.. pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer?Hehe. I love nick lachey and his lyrics. Anyway,yeah I don't know if its a good thing or bad. But, Yupp.Talk about crystal clear.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Went to church ytrday.(by god's will---insight) hehe And. Man. What the preacher said, really hit me bulleyes.I mean.. Lyk... really.really. Abandon my heart, lift my hands up.
The whole church, youths were crying. I heard loud,uncontrollable cries and kneeeling on the floor burrying heads with our hands. was a sight. So surreal. My tears they just kept rushing, my eyes were burning. But hell no. Not some moaning session. It was... something,so much more. Aftr that, went to eat with a new group of people.! (:Hehe. Friendly. ! Sooo, yeeah. Quite enjoyable. And funny. But the thing is, everybody asked me to guess their age-.- Lol. 17.18,21+? Big people. !

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And Xinxin! hahaha.You came back. People counted down leeeh. hahaha.And kungfu panda,go create yourself in bangalore.The plane will have 4 wings. !Cause you are in it. yeeah.And,pengda. Talk about standing tall. HAHA. ''Wheres the kristal i used to know! '' really struck me hard, Soon. Soooooooooooooooon. Bet cha. Thanks.. ! And Stella stanely pauline! Lol,. Zz, The turtle plant. Atcually,almost. cha dian. I want to give other people already>/: Huixun, Novia. Still rmbred we said we see whose plant grow longer leeeh! :D Hhe. I havent' started planting my snowman. lol.

Today, After library, went aerobics room at valerie's&valenciea's! lol-.- Anywaaay,.Had fun! lol. EHHHH. Amanda.): you suddenly disappeared .

Thanks to the many for making me laugh so much infront of the screeen. HAHAHA. Even now, i am laughing away while typing . Hilarious. Kept having flasback. Haha.

只要笑一笑没什么大不了！:D

I will try

2008-06-04T17:45:00.000-07:00

WLLLLLLLL.Here i am in the school's comp labb.And everybody's being ppiiiiiigggggs.EHHH I don't care. Comelater must draw pig on hand.Deal.I got markers. Red,blue,yellow,green,orange,peach,black,brown.All also got!Haha.Brought markers to do lorna b'day card.lol.Mann.Onnly got 4 freaking people here.But,hahaha. The music's playing loud on the speaker.Oky, know what.I cannot find the speaker.And the thing is,i don't know how to lower the volume.thats why very loud-.-
-------------------------------
lol. Zz. As i'm typing, i'm getting sleepier again. Man. And the two people incharge also not here.__. YANZHOU. You should'nt have told me about the school comp lab. (heh) Tmd. Bored shyt. Today, is...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORNA ASTRONOMO CARAS.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

GROW OLDER ALREAADY.

LORNA JIE JIE. HAHAHAHHA.

HOW ABOUT AUNTIE LORNA FOR A CHANGE?

NAAAAAAH :D

Yesterday at 12am+++. Went into the room, jumped on her and screamed

'' HAAPPPY BIRTHDAY' Then someone go'' i waaaant to sleeeeppppp'and cover the blanket over her._. Zz. So much for being the first to wish her.lol.I somemore so happy,go out and ''HAHAHA.KELVIN TAN.I FIRST TO WISH LORNA LEEH.'Then mummy came out to nag.

------------------------------------

Oky,another guy came into the lab again.Man.How i long to hear a high pitch voice.lol.

Man.What am i doing here._.OH YA.I AM HERE TO HELP BOTH OF YOU LEEEEHH.

WL.I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING STILL._.AW MAN.Hehe.EHHH.so please come soooon./:Thanks lord for the computer. for the internet. for the music.hehe.

* guys infront just turned on their music. wl. fight with me!

COMPUTER VS PHONEE LEEH. hahaha.

Self-start battle.

I can write a thousands songs to comprehend--I can make you stay. but, Man,song went to fast.
I can't catch up to type out the lyrics.Hehe.

This register38 light-producing white box is boring-ing me.

---------------------------------------

*Another guy came in. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OIOIOIOI. And ''zhen de zhen de zhu'' just smsed me''Lunch how?'' lol. EHHHHHH.-.-

And the ''bigger pig'' just smsed me ''omg... I am the real pig'' Lol.

BOTH OF YOU JUST MAKE ME SMILE TO MYSELF ON THE SPOT.

Baby we are invincible.

This-kneeland. is gone. Changed. To... I havent think yet. Don't even want to go there.

If i can take this words and fill it up with air.

I fly you to the moon so we can disappear.

I'm trusting you and i'm taking the long way home.

I know theres something strong. And baby we are invincible---

Livin' in a world with no air

2008-06-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

You don't try to change me.
Love me for me.

The charm of life is in fully preserving that childish asepct.For only in that way we will face setbacks more easily, and more optismitically.When i look in the mirror,I see a person who looks to the older, to give me adivce.Who's afraid of making decision,for fear that i might fall.I cannot bear to lose anything.The mirror also reaveals a child.I am a child,I want to be a child forever. ! ^^I never want my eyes to stop shining.I always want to have a smile for life.
I will never . Ever. Let the child in me Die.

I suddenly know..where i want to head to. My goal. ''And she scores!'' whoo. Hee.

I'm not giving in easily.
Once in a lifetime,
that means theres no second chance.
Get it? (:

Gotta make a getaway!~

2008-05-31T08:23:00.000-07:00

Ilovepoppingbubblestoblowingbubbles. ! (:

Yay I came back from cameron!!Woa.The trip was..enjoyable!Hehe.And i didnt realised how naturally it brought away my load.I felt so light at those moments up in the mountain! ~.Till i came back home and it seemed like a total freefall out of the sky.Came back with mom telling me i was a horrible person.Haha.Today i've been laughing at mommy like shit,The anger and irritation generated by her constant nagging tickled me.Till i banged my head on the car door. She has great stamina,i tell you.Everybody who went to Cameron were great!Seemed like a big family on tour. Hehe.

----------------------------------------

Those were the days...

Liangyi.!Haha. Even though you left me countless times for Darr----. ! You're still good laa. Hahaha. Got to know you more. And man, You are atucally funny too.Slept alot in the bus cause i slept at 3+ the day before. !hehe.Woke up in time to see the guys stand in a damn-straight-line outside to pee.Hahaha. And when i got th picture below taken.The smoke seemed so near yet so far. Was really excited at first when i thought it was.. real clouds. Hehe. Anywaaay. The view was veryvery nice.We were gettin higher and higher up and the scenery seemed so out-from-the-book.

-------------------------------------

Nice ayee. Took many photos of the views but.. Heck.(;

---------------------------------------

We were getting bored so.. Liangyi took out her sketchbook and she drew mee! hahaha.

Sweet. ''What a big smile i havee. Hhahaa.说我笑得可以，

This sketch's done by Daphne way back at Kota Tinggi. Hahaha. She took.. half and hour perhaps. Hehehe. Got people queque up one okay. ! :D

-----------------------------------

The hotel gave me.. a warm feeling! hehe. As in, Not those kinda' cold and strange.. unfamilliar feel i guess.Anywaaay.Yeah man. Liangyi And Daarrr-pulled out the sofa and chair to the balcanony to scream across to each other at night! Alright. Just that.. i was sleeping at th mini-bed! Then.. the door and window was wideopen and liangyi hand was holding onto the door,
so no mtr how hard i try to close, also cannot close. cause she feared that i will lock her out like how the guys did to Darrr----.-Ben lai. I thought it was quite sweet one._. Then the wind kept blowin. My feet were numb shit. But.. i told myself. '' Nehmind kristal, You cannot enjoy this in singapore.Butt. It was quite shuang and bearable ! (: Hehe. Aircon evryday,everywhere. Nicenice. Had good sleeps for the two nights! Liangyi said that i screamed something though.

---------------------------------

Hahhaa. You two who had holes in your shoes! :D Novia and Huixun! Reallly had alot of fun. Screaming our lungs out high up in the rose farm,hearing our screams echoe back and then giggling away. Talking about all sorts of things! hehe. The dirty toilets which freaked us out and made me laugh big time. Eating ice cream and being the last three countless times to report back. And wanting to race with you'll back to the bus, how we started out so strong but ended up racing with panda, Hahhaa. Running against the wind in the cool air really brought me back. Searching for the jagong bakaar at the night market. Laauughon.! (:

Loveeethisalooot. At rose farm, Boyy, there were many kinds of colourful wonderfu flowers.

Down below the view is breath-taking .

-----------------------------------------------

At th boh teee thing. They'll get you staring at it for ages. The view is beautiful.
Hehee. And how we all climbed into the back of th truck so quickly! Lovee sitting there. When i grow up, I confirm buy a topless car.

Attemting to be early for the first time round, but ended up a lil too early! hahhaha.
Played uno and daidi in the bus. The second night, lotslots of people came to our room,123! Hehe. Got irked yet amused yet entertained by the game i taught! hehe. Losers get to drink a mixture made with mostly coffeee. Blindmice was great too. Till' suddenly th kick died off and th teachers came to spot check. Whatever.

-------------------------------------------

Thanks for your strawberries and all ! Hehe. Though you warned me they might get squashed and only gave them to me at the last part of the trip, the strawberries became juice when i went home ._. Oky, Not good.

The last stop of e whole trip. Sarah ( i used to think your atcual name was sarahahha leeh._.) Heee. And the two hands sticking out from her head, Panda's. Nadzirah, me and Yasmeen.! Water was cool.
The company were great.had fun. Was boring at times. But still fun.!

哈哈。Watched indianna jones with Valerie and bro ytrday. I think ihelp to create a lot
Of sound effects in the cinema leeh. Hahahaha. Not funny.. I think.. like.. really quite funny leh! Then funny, wa, even funnier! Hehehe,so laugh louder. Scary part, I screamed and hide._.
Hehhee. Nice, actionpacked movie! But. I don’t really understand the story. Like abit luan.
Anywaay. Still great! (: Pictures next time.

Came back from ecp with xin few hours ago. Hehe. Update more next time.. lazzy.

And kraven! hehe, atcually, I blog untill damn lifeless. Then you invite me to minesweeper my spirit suddenly lifted up like shit! hahaha,. Oky. though i lost two times so far._. But. Anywaaay. Ehem.Practise laa. More practise will be better one, Hhehe.,

Reminds me of how i used to play with crystal and sally during primary school days! And i always ''REMATCH,REMATCH.REMATCH. heeeh. Abit sore loser like that leh._. buuuutt. They two always 奉陪到底. Time killer! (:

And there in your doorway, no shadow is cast
No lingering voices, no ghosts from the past
Just a cluster of walls,
and a window of pain
Collecting the heartache like droplets of rain

3.01am

Baby that came out well.

2008-05-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

Hold your words cause talk is cheap.
Goognight world.
Nights to mummy,daddy,lorna.
And bro at chalet.( See, nice today. cause you left the comb behind for me._.)

Paul asked me ''why you always seem so happy and yet so sad at times? is it really hard to be stuck between $&&^%$# '' Whoa.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty6XkY3O7b8 ! (:

then go see what i've done by her too.
I... She. Another singer who.. can.. make.. me.. who.. can. touch me.

Heart out of Ryhtm

2008-05-22T05:22:00.001-07:00

The Grass seems Greener.

The weather getting hotter.

Watched "What Happens In Vegas",and Boy,It was good.Really worth it!hehe.The seats sucks though.Felt like i was sinking.The last part where joy told jjack that she did not need to pretend and be scared nor try to live up to his expecations was heartwrenching,i cried.
~~Notgoodenuf?~~Man.I cried in a comedy but didnt even felt a tinge of sadness for
'Sky of love.' Heeh.I would love to have a place where i could..escape to.Wo de di pan!.Hee. Some beach,perhaps,Some day.

School rocks today.Big time.Ytrday too atcually. Really wanted to try every game but huang meng( i owe you a blue balloon! ) (: Shuo hua suan hua! hehe. was so keen on selling the Melted mars bars with cornflakes-.- Hehe. Soooo, I went on to sell french fries! Which i suck totally at laaaaa.Marde,went 3 big rounds around the canteen with Daphne and shouting ' $1.20!' was a failuire, hahaha. Laughed lyk shit.Many many many funny things happened! Hehe. The fries were halfcooked and the toppings were just added on based on my likings. Now, seeing fries make me.. sick.After seeing how darius cooked them! Hoho. Initially i thought staying at the stall wul'd turn out a load of trash but whoa I had fun~ "Who says you can't have fun while working?" Totally agree. .
Heh. We tried catching..fishes, tumbling cans, and ya.. explored. ! .

Went back to class and was high lyk shit.Hehee.Balllooooons rock.My balloon flied(._.) flew! up causing the whole class to high also! Hahahha.Time past so quickly. Played sosoososo much, jumping on tables heh,. and trying to bring down the balloons the guys delibrately let go off,was crazzeeh. Laugh till my stomach hurts, Damn. Adrain-.- Hahahhaa.

Everybody went to china.
That reminds me. Havent started packing for Cameron.
I.. don';t. I.. Abit. Lazy leh. /:
Don't feel like moving,let alone go to another country.

Beautiful Disaster and some like it hot are veryverryvery nice books! hehe.

Sickening fact : that we can't control our dreams'. I don't want nightmares!!! ):
Getting chased around by some woman who can fly and wearing 'heroine' clothes in and out of the library is not nice at all!

Kicking away my thoughts.

-- You. Twofaceperson. (scary monster! .)

and you. coward.(ask me directly if you have yur doubts! )

The Fish said to The Sea, "You can't feel my tears coz im in the sea."
The Sea replied, "I can feel your tears coz youre in my heart."

Don't you think its just.. awwwwwww sweeet?
Miss these kinda' words.

Not a girl not yet a woman! ' Mann. I miz this song.
Hehe.

i need faith, of at least a mustard seed.

Hope's still lurking, Arse, i hope its true.

I am okay!

2008-05-19T01:20:00.001-07:00

Why do i strive to be strong everytime i've fallen?
Guess thats just the way it goes?!
Hehe, I am very happy now!

简简单单就好。
这样的过日子也蛋不错.

A better man.

2008-05-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

Went to singapore post 'rooftop' today. K, Walked to singapore post. I enjoy every min i'm walking now. Used to think it was tiring, But now. Really lovin' it.! heeeh. Then, go up and down the lift, but cannot find the 'top' -.- Scaaarrrry. But. fun! hehehe. So settled with Coffeebean. The wind only came when we were about to leave-.- Nvrmind. Butter then none! hehe. The moon was big and round. That was when i thought of you B.t. ''Wish upon th moon''. Was what you always told me.

Xinxin,勾勾手指了,不会反悔。! hehe.

''you?'me?'youu?no,me. youu? hahahahha.

Xie xie ni! For tonight. (:

Staying Strong.

I took in everything everybody said. I learnt. And i am growing from here.

I don't care about what happened in the past anymore. I don't care. Its a whole new pair of Wings i have now. I am going to fly. soar higher then before. Not trapping myself on the ground now. I promise myself.

One point you're out of focus, you can't dig it anymore. Still, an occassional meditating on such a another dimensional view allows me to reflect. Reflect and change. Reflect and reduce the defenceful front. Reflect and withdraw.~

Yeah. I am not going to say anything to hold you back anymore.

Cuz. I was told to stop the torturing to let go.

Don't want to cause so much hurt or sadness to someone.

It was never ever my intention.

Not going..to. Show. Any sign of.. anything..

Cause i'd rather hurt myself than to ever make you cry
You'd never ask me why, my heart is so disguised.
Along with it the tune my heart cries.
I can relate to every single song on my playlist.
Maybe fate`ll bring us back together again someday.

I always swore to you i never fall apart.Mommy. Sorry.
And bending over backwards
just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laugh

Aloha Means Family. Family Means Nobody Gets Left Behind.

These laces are untied

2008-05-16T22:02:00.000-07:00

i can't believe you.

Dig my heart out if you must.

And feel how i feel.Maybe then. You will understand.

Fast and Furious

2008-05-16T03:50:00.001-07:00

59 words

Methemorphosis,Whatever this is.

2008-05-14T04:47:00.000-07:00

If you lie to yourself to be happy, you belong to a special group

of creatures called human beings. -- Hamed Okhravi

那，我是超人了！

陈钰盈。不应该在退后。

從我臉上的蒼白　

看到記憶慢下來

過去甜蜜在倒帶

只是感覺已經不在

而我對你的期待　

被你一次次摔壞　

已經碎成太多塊　

要怎麼拼湊跟重來

應該開心的地帶　

你給的全是空白　

一個人假日發呆

找不到人陪我看海

我在幸福的門外

卻一直都進不來

你累積給的傷害　

我是真的很難釋懷

You people suck for being so competitive.Great. -.-

Sound lyk a bigbig sore loser.Whaaaatevr.
I'm afraid that i might fall into the same self-created problem for the countless times.

But this time, I'll be careful. I won't................ let myself repeat the same.

Take my sweet sweet tym after exams?ShittyshitttyBangbang.

Everybody just keeps going and going. Lyk whoa.

Marde.Even the world doesn't stop spinning. Zz. Flip books somemoree.

I hope..I will not let myself sink..into this Black irony pool of shit. I hope

Maybe all this will go away, one day it'l be just like yesterday.

------------------

今天，很想要用我的高等华文说话。^^ 昨天，我迷路了。

不知道找谁该好。。好可怕。

‘’死了，死了，我不会走‘’

‘’没关系，我带你！‘。

对话从我的耳边传来。我。。我。多么的希望在那时刻，有人能在我旁边这么说。

我的眼睛好象，湿湿的。但，我告诉自己，不可以。我。。我要便勇敢。

我要。。长大。；两个小时后，

我到家了。第一次！钰盈真了不起。

我很开心，因为我没有哭到!一点也没有哦!

Take it as a donation to Sbs !.Tapped in and out countless times

and went in and out the same bus-.- The bus driver became my friend.

But, the person at th Mrt counter very not helpful./:

Roar. He gave me a book and asked me to check myself._. Marde. Felt so..Useless.

Deleted th front part Cuz, Ah wong got all 'big talk'. to me.Heeh. You woke me up.

Your sms came likeA slap . But with the utmost care . Not in a bad way!.

And.. Thanks alot. Oky. Superglue back your ehemehem strrongg wings -.- hehe.

Dare to soar aye?

Went to pulau ubin ytrday. HAHAHA.

Shijudeen hair just grow back leeh. Then got cut again-.-

HAHAHA. Oky, Ehem. Hehe. Sensory trail. Atcually,, i really enjoyed myself there. !

Went into the first bakery of singapore, Which is now a hole in a tree and planted by a bird poo!

Then. Ate a bitter bitter plant directly plucked out from the ground. 'The brave one! ' hehehhe.

Probably walked around th whole pulau ubin! Losta red ants._. 不是已经放 insect replellent.!-.-

Still come irrtatingly craw up!. Then.. . We played finger game. And beach cleaning. Atcually, Also not bad la! hehehee,.

----------------

'' Are you sure you want play another time anot??'''' YA! ''

and whoa. 3-0. Nikki wwwooooonn in the finger game. -.- Heh/. Nehmind.

今天走回家，一直不停的转头。我。。。以为你会在后面。

--------------------------

Mm-mm-mm! B. t. ! Hahaha.

''i got new sms leehe. wonder who!' hahahahhaha.

kkkkkkkk, laughing at/to myself.

And sorrrry. I'll keep my promise. from monday.

Oh wait. Monday vesak day.... Right? Tuesday!

Hehe. Sorry, For being such a disappointment.

High now. Don't tell me you're low. -.-

I hate it when people look at me when i eat.

Join me in the middle of ecstasy

2008-05-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

我回来了！

Firstly,Want to say sorry to stella and xinxin tan! heeh. For irratating the hell'outta you'll these few days. butt. Mm. 过去了，就不要再想，

那得起，放的下。 Fu lao shi. During the chinese lesson, you taught me more than i could ever learn. You taught me priceless life lessons. You were so engrossed in talking. And i was so fascinated in hearing! hehe. Thanks. 我知道你永远都在！ Hehe.

Got a whole chunk to type out. But. i think i typed enough for the night.

hahas. i see.. well to me, hmm. Kristal is.. someone whom i dnt know very well, yet, whn we chat, it feels like we've been friends since forever. Kristal is someone, despite not knowing each other so well, i know i can trust her with anything. Kristal is someone, whose smile, could bring joy into me, and turn frowns into smiles as well. hmm in my heart, Krisal equal pure joy lol.

This makes me smile ! (:

Ah wong, Thanks for letting me shout at you. and chu qi,cheering me up, keeping quiet when i ask you to and entertaining me! (:Thanks for always been there,letting me attitude you(-.-) Dont. My temper will become worst!. and giving me wake up calls in the morning and staying up late to accompy me during exams! hehe. Just want you to know, I really appreciatteeee'em
alootttt oky.So much i want to say. but. Yaaa. And your famous pasta,tomato,ketchup whatever instant noodles ! hehe. Xie xie ni. Xie xie ni. Xie Xie ni.
You know i am here too ya. hehe.
I thank god for giving me friends lyk you.
From the bottom of my heart!

ohGREAT.
You are not making this easy.

Hole In my soul.

2008-05-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

A smile like yours.

------------

Lord, i'm your worst daughter ever.

Breathe me in.

2008-05-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

Lie closer to th moon.

你不在.

Stepping back

2008-05-09T21:37:00.000-07:00

The thing i thought was so easy, got harder and harder each day.

I fell on the pillar ytrday. Gastric and low-blood pressure is gong to kill me one day leehz.

I think..I am..very..very tired.

I will not stick my fingers into people's pie anymore.

Mum told me : Sometimes when someone is feeling sad, he/she just needs to be by themselves.

To grow through this. And when they are ok, they come back and you'd be there with them to give them that special final touch. To make them feel even better and complete them !.

You deserve mother's day evryday laaa mu qin da ren.

All you ever do is put up with my temper.

You are th only one who forgives me right aftr i shout at you.

And that will always be.(:

AND NOW YOU ARE THINKING THAT I FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOUR PRESENT.

BU HUI DE LA.

From small to now, I give w/o fail.

This year, It will be the same!

"At times it seem so hard to move foward because we are so scared of what lies ahead"

I take a step back. And i see a clearer picture.

Life is short, break the rules,

forgive quickly,kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably,

and never regret anything that made you smile.

It will all get better in time !

Th old one will come back.

Hehe. '

(takes a deep breath).

Kristal tan,你最近好得很呢！

笑一个。

说说我自己

我被影响到了

我没哭。我不怕。

I feel lyk..

Flying.

ValerieValencia. See you soon.!

hahahahhahahahhahahhahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahaha.

Th-real. You.

2008-05-09T05:33:00.000-07:00

This post is back,cuz i got nothing to hide.

To find yourself?

I want to help. Even if it means getting shouted at by you.
And even if you won't. I rather you do.
Cuz shouting aloud wont help but it makes us feel better! hehe. Lyrics. okok.skip.
And. Hehe. Lyk what you always ask : Then what am i here for?
Cuz. I believe. Cuz. Rmbr? Ni shi hao ren!.
Nobody can find him or herself at this age. ! Its hard.
Each time a million lines will come up to my mind to tell you.
But each time when i reply. i feel lyk slapping myself for acting so nonchalant.!

You are.. A funny person who always try to make people laugh!
You are.. A person who wants to xiao ha ha.
You are...A person with a liita part of happy childhood too!.(:
You are.. A person who always has alot of things to say. Cuz You can express.
You are.. A person who like any others just want true friends who stab you at the front. And not play along.
You are.. A person who does not lyk troublesome things. So stop troubling yrself with yr identiy.
You are.. A person.. a person.. whose english is veryvery good! But chinsese...haaai. hahaha. ok la. Atucally.. not badnotbad ._.
you are.. A person who can draw dragons and get money for it ! hehe.
you are... A person who is scared of dirtying uniform! hehe. okok. Not very good-.-
Youa re.. A pig. ! . A person who is always adapting.
Why not let the surroudnings adapt to you? Maybe cuz.. Ni mei ci dou yin wei zhe yang er yi zhi gai, gai, gai, You don't know who you are anymore?.

You once told me : Just be yourself and you'll be ok.

Wo bu yao ni bu kai xin.

i'm thinking it too far,

2008-05-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

TMD. I EVEN WANTED TO SAY. 'NEVERMIND. I GIVE YOU 7DAYS AND 7HOURS LEH.'

But just to realize you replied so early. This phone can feed sharks.Cuz I still havent receive anything yet.

+++++++

I learnt that life is.. really very short becuz time passes so damn quickly.Th first min, i was dreading Midyrs lyk shit. Worrying lyk shit. But, w/o me knowing. Exams are over. But. I don't feel relieved at all.

Cuz, Becuz of you. i am trembling inside. Still am. I don't know. ): Zhen Mei yong. I feel lyk i am never gonna rest till i get a specific answer.Till i know how and what is happening. Till. All this awkardness goes away. Till. .. .. But, No Worries ! !! I will be back soon.

+++++++++

I HAD A HAPPPYY DAAY YTRDAY. :D

Off to leisure park. ! Ate Kfc and chitchat alot. Oky. No. Listened to chitchats alot.hehe. i mixed up ' year of the rat' with 'rat of the year' . Words. Are so powerful.Then we went bowling. I broke recoorrd leeehz. I used to have everyball go inside the 'longkang'.I used to never fail to fail bowling. BUUUTTT. I owned th second game ytrday! hehe. From 30+ to 9666! * Beams.

+++++++++++

The day past with laughs and smiles and 'suans.' hehe.Watched Superhero. Comedy . Hehe. But the people ard me. *stares at Stella,Is funnier then the comedy. hehe, Juz lyk how you fell on the floor when your seat swinged back.ZAI LAI YI CI! hahaha. Oky. And jiepin kept throwing popcorns everywhre. The uncle came in and went out immediately to take broom and dustpan. And huimin laughed till her head sunk down to her seat. And it seems lyk Marcus sat on every sit in the thetre. Climbing here and there. Eh. Monkier then me ! :D

[Drats. You again]. See what i mean!

+++++++++

Over and done with. We went to the Merrygoround thing.

I.. mizz. Sitting on that. hehe. Nevrmind . We go market and i sit on the thing that goes round and round again nex time! hehe. Thanks lord.Thanks Zigen fr enlightening me!, Hehe.Thanks Terrence fr being so deaf in th middle of th night. Making me want to find microphone! hehe.Thanks... whoa. Like Thank-you speech. Stop--.

+++++++++++++

I spent my day today reading leekwanyew book and my autumn comic. Heh. i got jiepin addicted. Getting more and more engrossed!

+++++++++++

Cuz I rather spend bad times with you.

then spend good times with someone else
钰盈啊。就算我求你。救救你自己。！

It’s too late now, still I’ve got smth to say

I’m sorry that I treated you that way

-Time has gone now, and the moment has passed,

When I had the chance to try and make us last

All alone now, and it’s no one’s fault but mine
Couldn’t see the truth, I had those blinded eyes

You have moved on, still I don’t give a damn
Gotta get this off my chest while I can.

And. I believe. ! (;
Tmr will be a even better day! .

I hope u drown in your spit.Co.ward.You.
Stranger than your sympathy.
No. No sympathies oky.
Just true heartfeltwords.

2008-05-08T06:19:00.000-07:00

Cuz i rather fight with you.
Then laugh with someone else.

The ones who are bound to be your best friends must lose your trust just once to prove that they can win it back. A true friend is th one who will not get swayed by what other people says. Anytime you did someting wrong, they confront you straight and not believe what other people says. They will never forsake you no matter what happens. Their mind will not be manipulated by others because they trust you. The outcome of a relationship is not deem by one incident but deem by one true heart., Words can show very little, actions too. Though they say action speaks louder than words. but. No, thats bullshit.

The most beautiful mask might not have the best texture.

Do you. In the first place even trusted me?

------------------

Cuz right now, i am disapponted. Why didnt you clarify evrything you had doubts about, tome? And act lyk everything's fine.! WHY. And not saying anything now. !
Just becauz i lost my temper.Now all this are happening? In th speed of light, evrything sweet. Is all restricted. Must you teach me my lesson so painfully? What if those times you said sorry and i do what you do now--walk away. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL. Aw man, iz this so easily replaceble to you. !? If you totally stop thinking of me, I'll hand it to you.. Cuz you beat me hands down.
---------------------

I was never good at words. You were the one who knew how to expressed yourself. I am reluctant to share abit more. And when i decided to juz share A lil. I cannot stop thinking about what i did wrong.
I suck at guessing games! I don't want to play this game. You walk out on me. or did you not?
Did the fear of ever losing you finally come true? You tell me. I am not. Going to. Say anything. Anymore after this. Cuz. I really.. tried. I tried. Its up to you now. Whatevr happens, From here. Its up to you. To erase. To rmbr. To hold on. To run away. Can't you just tell me how you feel once and for all? It fking sucks how you tell me dont do this and dont do that to you. YET YOU DO EVERYTHING AND DOUBLE BACK TO ME.
-----------------

A Friend's Love says: " If you ever need anything, I'll be there."
True Love says: " You'll never need anything; I'll be there."
Is proving to you that I'm a better person essential?
.....Nope.
I guess. Not anymore.

----------------

I miss the way you look at me.
I miss the way you talked to me.
I miss the way you tell me you grow wings and carry me, when i am tired.
Will you walk with me till the end.
Or.
---------------------

Are you happy now?

Lord, grant me the sernity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage change the things i can,
and the wisdom to know the differnce.
For the joy of th lord is your strength.
__ A merry heart.
------------------------

Can you practice what you preached?
Its unfair how you call the shots. You started this. And now i am going to end it.
Telling you : I will still be waiting. Here. But, not for long. Will you. Cum running back?
--------------------------

however.......it's been so long since I've grinned stupidly to myself infront of my friends when i see yr sms , but then again it might all just be a silly distraction that's keeping me from having even the singlest second thoughts.
------------------------

Feel lyk a thousand hammers is hitting the crystal ball inside me. Am i trying too hard?
But i knew i tried hard on friday. Just to see if th corneer of your mouth would curl up.
I knew sth was not right. I thought you would.. spill out evrtyh. You didnt.
-----------------

How about now?

Invincible.

2008-05-06T22:42:00.001-07:00

AW.TANXINXIN.

YOU CAN ONE!

-----------

THATS WHAT YOU ALWAYS TELL ME AND SO MUCH MORE

THAT I WILL NEVER IN MY HEAD CAN XIANG DE CHU TO HELP YOU.

-------

OKY, i know your normal sleeping time is 2 plus. ! crazy. hehe. But. Good la. Atcually. Since everybdy in your house is probably still awake at that time . Anytime you feel bored of studying, just. Go find one of yr sisters and disturb, hehe. oky._. Maybe not. Just..

--------

You always got it in you .I know. its true. hee. i don't want to

say so much here. See your msn ! (:

---------

48) people, stop getting single digit L1R5s. its too early to get that low. and its scary.

49) be like me, get high high, den EOY get damn low, and u haf a high chance of getting a good progress award! : D

50) nowelle, you sore loser

SEEE. THATS WHAT YOU SAID. I GOT EVIDENCE.

----------

SO. plz. Stive to th end. ^^.

They say. It would be great if you can act on the advice you give people.

2008-05-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

No rain is ever gna shake me.

Today. I sat al the way at th back of the bus alone. and looked out the fingerprint--stained window. Scenes of people walking and laughing flashed by me. While. i watch the seconds pass by me lyk that. I wish. I can stop time at all th moments when i was grinning from ear to ear.

^^,

But, I don't wish to reverse time. Cuz whatevr happened in th past, If i evr do anything differntly, i won;'t be me,Today. I like me. I Luv my childhood. I miss the 刺激感 of block-catching. I miss Zigen Audi and terrence always being th catchers. And boasting how they will catch us in no time-.- . EH BUT HOR. The game always continue fr hours. And we will run from the 1st floor to th 18th floor, and you all will take the lift. But, i learnt.

hehe.

----------

Now, everybody's growing up. In poly and having their o's this year, And, when we meet again will you all tell me ' small kid. dont understand la. Older then you will understand.' I used to get irritated by this. But now. Its all i long to hear,. Just listing what we've done is very wei qu to the hapiness , It was. Pure joy. Now. The joy i experience.. Seems to be w/o substance. --. At times.At times. Relax stella. ;D

--------

Now, Kristal.

And i'm not gna pretend to be somebdy i'm not. I feel so sleepy./: Ytrday. I saw a car behind me. And i just crossed th road. Didnt have a death wish. But, I just couldnt bother to stop. Al i wanted to do was continue walking. straight. So. that toyota guy stopped instead. At a hair-breadth. Whoa, Hehe., Dai pai leh.

Many thoughts running through my mind. Great. I am so free now. My mind is going to think here think there again. Heh. I suddenly rmbr what jiepin said last year. : An idle mind is a devil's workshop. Nehvrmind. I will.. stare at the ceiling for 45mins then study chinese. Hehe. *grins,.Ah wong.

I am getting sick of my blogskin. Thank you Ass. Fr you had bring me back to th past.A lilbitta.! hehe. Standing

on the.. what.. eerr. wait. I suddenly forgot what that sheep is called. See saw ah?

Oky., Not-.- Nevrmind. And. heh. Tag, you are it,. Hehe. Alson Ang. Good Luck fr your exams. heheh. Injection ah? Hand now no strength? Aiyaa. No kick. hehe. ~ What xinxin always tell me so that i won't be scared ! .(:

And ytrday. I was sitting and reading my comic at th voideck. This croakroach come and MAKE ME JUMP UP. Zz. SO BIG LEH. Theeen, I was slping . The music. The wind. The nicenice bag as pillow. THEN. PIAK. THAT UNCLE GO SLAM HIS FILE ON THE TABLE AND SIT DOWN. ZZ. Scare th hell outta me. 2mins ltr, he went off.

I have been studying alot. Lately. And I can lift up my head and saay:

I THINK I DID IT ! (:

hehe.

I Wonder how. I wonder why. Ytrxay you told me about the blueblue sky.

And all that i can see Is just a yellow lemon tree. ! (:

Don't die off.

Determined.

2008-05-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

Ytrday, I got very desperate.
I wanted to wish on a star.
But, it was a starless night.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel and hurt.. others.I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I learnt that if you expect so much, you'll only get dissapointment in the end.
Nothing else.

You're a great pigu who always succeed in consoling, but now what about yourself?
I just feel.. this. I only know you through your motivations, through your words. so fascinated by them. its about words aint it? , So maybe, you are right,. I don't know th littlelest things about you. You get very scary, when you are angry. Scary. Not fightening.I just.. get scared. Thats why a lil part of me is gaurding .You always aim to make sure i am happy ! I like that.! But i don't want that. Sometimes.. When i fall, i just want to pick myself up and not let people create a big fuss over it. Cuz then i'll only feel weak. I will depend. I will not fight. Not everything needs to be said out loud to feel better! I want to stand on my own. ! I rather the people around me to give me motivations to stand up and pick me up when i really cry out for help ! I am happy ! . I brush things off my mind easily ! Its just me ! And i get happy easily ! So no need to brood over sad things ! If i got one sad thing, One happy thing can instantly make me happy ! And the misery is gone. Thats why its not that i don't want to say out ! Not that i don't want to tell you anything. I can tell you so many things lyk a storeybook! Its so fake. to be there for someone, to make them happy only,. ! Maybe.. I just got angry. Not at you. But at myself ! For letting a weekend past by me lyk this with only thoughts of friday ! . Cuz, I feel lyk i am drowning in thoughts of you. ! Feel so uselz. ); 我已经试着让眼泪别往下流了。 Your dream rocks. Heh. So, I juz want everything to stay this way. To look at clouds. clear blueskies. enjoy the wind. And look at leaves falling. And talk about anything. And its amazing how you can make a voideck lyk disneyland! I don't need to say sad things infront of you. cuz its all gone the min you are around! Just lyk how stella, xinxin and keith makes me feel ! (: Ni men si ge hen li hai. Jiu shi zhe yang !. Suddenly. I am at a loss for words cuz i feel terrible.
--The end.

ps; Don't ever leave me alone,behind. Don;t talk about.. giving up on me!
. Everyone of you., I need all of you. Fate, Don't play a fool on me. Its not funny.

Tell me a story,where we all change.And we'd live our lives together, Sitting in the cheap seats underneath the starsI'm heading back to base, I'll drop you off at Mars.I'm sure I know your face or what star you're fromI try to make conversation but I'm too far gone

Sorry gorgor, i stoled your blog song.
I know you are going to get pissed hearing this. heh.
But,. . . Zz. Juz get well soon too .
--Promise of a lifetime.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children. KristalTan/

2008-05-03T22:48:00.001-07:00

身影，失去平衡，慢慢下沉.
I really am tired of fighting this feeling.

How can i make it go away!!

最害怕每天的天黑。

And B.t. Surprisingly. I can read all your sms ! Teehee.

You are waiting for mine Now.

anndd you are going to scream ' Daa pai. Any min now'

Seeee! Hehe. :D

Whrd' you go?

2008-05-02T02:28:00.000-07:00

When there is No love in town.
This new century keeps bringing you down.
Love supreme.
To abuse and to adore.
Get on your knees.

Mom and Dad 21yrs old bed finally gave away.
Aha. About time. Dad's.. always not here.

But. It doesn';t rlly affect me. Does it?

On the contary, i think.. Sometyms. Its btr!

Dont come and bullshit to me its not.

I know it is.
Aint there tumour in your humour?

When i was young,
I dreamt of sleeping on the clouds.--那是世界上最舒服的床吧! (:
Imagine the sky to be my blanket. The wind to lullaby me to sleep. Sunshine to give me endless summer. Hahhaha. Keith. Fly fly fly.
Evrything seemed so.. heartwarming. And I thought nobody will go away.
I thought No mtr` th time. All will stay the same.Never thought all this to become a fragment of our memory.
Evrything still lingers here. ! Heeh. I know you know we know we miss each other! (:

Suddenly. I never get sad anymore. Just, sometimes. Take my load, chicks.,
I feeel so heavy--hearted! Rly. There's gta be more to life. I don't care. I'm going to find it.
Evrything has been great! I wish exams never end. The short school hours. The highness aftr every paper. The contentment after evry paper done. The anger, fustration the ' argh. damn it! ' shouts of regret.The concern. The一阵风! *grins B,t !. Ahahaa. Wo xi huan!
Wo ye Xi Huan Zuo LRT! heeehehehheheheehe. ! Jumps around. Everytym i go in, i'm sure to Get my feet on every corner and wow at.. Evrything! hehe. ! (:

Life has been fufilling.
And Saying thanks just won't do.
But heey. Dont care. Settle with it,. Six of you. hehe. Xin zhi du ming.! Stella you thicksmart-.-

Hahahhaha.Rly !.Shiokshiok!. And the five of you. Ahh. Learn from Stella a lil bit la ah. Heeeh.

Don't highlight. Don't highlight! heh.

When it all falls apart--.

Don't take away clear blue skies.

Yes. From your angle. Plz don't .

~I GOT SELECTED FOR HUMANS TRIP!

2008-04-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

我最近不好！
i don't feel like dying.
but i am not keen on living either !
I want to change th way life is being lived!
I want to change how poeple treat people!
i dont want to do something and ask why
and people say ' this is how life goes. live with it'
i dont want to live with it! .
I dont like all this now! .

burntbooks.
Is anybody out there? Hello?

2008-04-24T08:20:00.000-07:00

What hurts the most;

Was being so close.

And having so much to say,

I'm going to.. chu ren tou di ! .

AAAAAAAAHHHH,\. heh.

Said your two cents now its my turn.

So sit down, shuddup. Are you ready?

2008-04-20T01:04:00.000-07:00

Zz. Great. Just stop xopying

You know i don't like it./

And i tried. its up to you,

Don't pretend nothing happened.

Cause' alot of things did.

The two of them were sincere.

And i got their back.

You? At least tell me what you think.

You are the more important one.

I dont want to change you to the past tense.

Prove that freaking horoscope wrong for me.

I finally know who's true & who's not. :D

To those who are so pretentious. Sorry, i dont need you.

只希望你能明白，我不要回头了。没有那么多时间，明白吗？

2008-04-18T05:56:00.001-07:00

我无所谓！

2008-04-17T06:01:00.001-07:00

Hahas. i see.. well to me, hmm. Kristal is.. someone whom i dnt know very well, yet, whn we chat, it feels like we've been friends since forever. Kristal is someone, despite not knowing each other so well, i know i can trust her with anything. Kristal is someone, whose smile, could bring joy into me, and turn frowns into smiles as well. hmm in my heart, Krisal equal pure joy lol. so CHEER UP

THANKS AH WONG.
though its long ago. but it makes me smile ! (:

2008-04-17T03:47:00.000-07:00

Promise me?

2008-04-17T02:55:00.000-07:00

Trying to fit in.

我很努力了。我已经很尽力。尽力到很痛苦的地步!

But why can't you see? And at least show me that everything i did was worthwhile.,
Why did my studies become the problem of our friendship! WHY.
I've been putting myself into you three positions, and think. How about you three put yourselves into mine?
I know you all care.When three of you used to take turns to call me
To tell me about homework, to remind me. To teach me, I know i am blessed.
But you know what. Enough.
WHY IS IT THAT OUR MORNING CONVERSATION ALWAYS GOES :
Did you do your homework?.
No.
KRISSTAAAAAL!'

Like wth!. I AM TRYING! I AM TIRED! LAY OFF.
IHATE TO DISAPPOINT ANYBODY. I HATE TO HEAR THAT VOICE OF YOURS JIEPIN.
THAT VOICE THAT TELLS ME YOU ARE SICK OF ME BEING LIKE THIS.
BUT WTH. I AM SICK OF YOU TOO. STOP YOUR SUCK UPS AND STOP SAYING WORDS OF CONCERN I KNOW YOU DON'T MEAN. AT TIMES. PLZ

jiepin, i miss those times we talk to each other so naturally.
I miss so many things i do with you, i just realized.
I miss you crapping to me. I miss you wating for bus 155 with me. I miss you caring so much, worrying about my stagefright, and covering and helping me. I miss you singing songs into my ears.I miss evrything..

And huimin, I cried like shitz today when you tell me you are going to give up on me soon not becuase' i am afraid. i am not. I just.. my heart was aching. Just like this? Can't you see my efforts?Why is it that after i try so hard, I get back all this? ! I really woke up at four to study because' i was too tired to study at night!' I really restricted myself from. everything. I strayed from evrything, I play soduko during recess! Don't talk to me so feircely, I will gaurd my heart.
I dont want to gaurd my heart against you. I know among all, You are the one who quietly give and help me. Putting up with everything. And.. So many times i just want to hug you and say thanks.

I TRY SO HARD TO PLEASE YOU ALL. IT SUCKS.
I WANT US TO NEVER CHANGE. BUT NOW ALL YOU THREE EVER DO,
IS TO KEEP TELLING ME YOU ALL ARE DISAPPOINTED IN ME.
YOU ALL WANT TO GIVE UP ON ME. !
I JUST WANT US BACK AGAIN.

还有什么天涯海角！
什么永不变!
Stella you didnt even say anything today.
I thought.. You would be the first to find me.
I thought.. You would come to me, and.. be the sweet ass you always are.
And be there.

Ilovethethreeofyousomuch.
We been through thick and thin.
But now, I don't feel like i am your friend anymore.
I seriously don't want to lose any of you.
You all mean too much. Those advices you are given to me, really make me reflect,
I know i need to change. I know i need to grow up. I know i need to know my piorities.
Like what you all say, if i ever want to be happy, i got to make sacrifices.
I know..

born to stand out.

The same old line : i'm sorry i can't be perfect.

I treasure those who treaures me.
I am good to you, if you are good to me.

2008-04-16T04:46:00.000-07:00

I have many things to say.

But.. Roar.

Nvrmind alrdy. Forget those things.

--I feel left behind.

i had a bad fall at the start.

i had a bad start.

i picked myself up.

i ran . i tried to catch up.

and now i'm so tired of always tring to reach out,trying to catch up.

to run the same pace as all of you.

but it seems like, no mtr how hard i try.

you all will keep moving forward, 3 foots infront of me.

and i will always just be trying. and trying. and trying.

don't condemn me so fast oky.

I say something. But i cannot finish it. Thanks Alot.

Reason of existence: Nil.

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着。

--你的声音这么近我却抱不到/

Bye,i'm going to use aeroplane to catch up.

Great. four smokers in house yet again.

ANDYOU. I thought.. and then... why. what happened. Something is suddenly bu dui.Plz. i don't want.

2008-04-11T04:32:00.000-07:00

--Now i am in second place. waiting for a second chance./

Tmd. I just had to take my form for granted. I think i deproved alot.

And i think even. i ran better in primary school. Zz. I want sth,. But i don't work hard for it. I did not train,. Did last min stretches and the next min, i am on the starting line alrdy. With no strength. Zz. And Betty, Tiara wipe away our tearsz . ! Yesh. Mayb we just didn't work hard enough, Yeah, High hopes on us. But, its okyz. ! Over already. At least we came in second. I think majority of tk people enjoyed themselves aye.Thanks pengda for the drink, Ass, You didnt run with me/: And all th funny people on th bus. ! (:Valerie Tan was so sweet she made me cry. Shannon, I hope your leg is oky (:

Was Late again today. But luckily raaining.

Rly dont' know what i doing.

Woke up at zun zun 6 still can late.

And ahber asked why.

Then she replied : Xia Da Yu ah? Xia Da Xue Ye Yao Lai.

Then i laughed out loud. heh.

I think she think very funny also. She go repeat 4times to 4 of us.

Whatevr it is, today is just a disappointing day.

The end.

Gril : Don't be a hypocrite and suck-up.

Fallen from grace,

Al over th place.

IDONTKNOWWHYMYPOSTSARENOTHAPPY.

MAYBE BECAUSE IBLOGTOTELLOUTWHATIWANTEDTOSAY.BUTDIDNOTSAY.

--Never let me go.

2008-04-09T06:25:00.001-07:00

i am very tired leeehz.
I fight hard to keep awake in class;
When my head could just bang on th table anytime.

''Hahaha,
Sent from A-Z on my contact list.
hahaha,
heh,

2008-04-08T02:17:00.000-07:00

You completed me.,

I am a v.v.v.v.v..v.v.v.v.v.v. happy girl today ! Super Duper.(grins)

I don't know what i did,. and what i've done.

To be blessed with you all and granted all these. ! .

i looked at you lot today. And wondered -- what i've done.

I smiled and laughed and grined all day.

Smiled like a fool&laughed like some lunatic.

Evrything and evrybody,was so.. sweet. nice. sweet.

It was paradise in heaven."The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it."

Yes,h. i enjoyed myself thoroughly. ! (:

And i'm happy i didnt stop to think, or whatever today.

Really am.

And thanks to : STELLA;LAOGONGPO, HUIMIN, XINXIN &JIEPIN. ;

okooky. Wait. Marcus also. Aha. Later you talk about how 'i break your heart again-.-'.

You girls are th key people that made my day.

Thanks for th small litlest things to bigbig things you'l did.

haha. Smb hor, somemore want to bring she bake the cake

come my school make announcement leh.

hahaha, Don't know who ah. ! (:

Sweeeeeeet. --.

Heeh. Xie Xie for th manymanymany presents and countless wishes.

Aiii. heh. Lazy to reply to evrybdy,cause' reaaly got alot !

But. IF YOU WISHED ME, thank youz!

--from the bottom of my heart ! Xoxo.

Heeh. Lazy to type so much now :

XIE XIE NI MEN.!

And esp. for the cards and presents.

Thanks for understanding. Thanks for the thought. Thanks.

Really Reallly Really apreciated oky ! :D

--With love.

好好，我开心。

//Falling head over heels,thought i knew how it feels.
speechleess.

B.t-
Thanks. sosoossoososomuch.
Ni zhen de hen xi xin ! hen ti tie ! hen heeh.
Loves! (:
--Going Gaga.- Over you.
Idontwanttotrylivingadayw/oyou,
i..you. you.. are . check your msn ! (:
Lol. And yes. I can read your cursive handwritting laa.
Not bad. No bad. Can understand and smiled like shitz while reading.
You gotta know. Everything you do, is love.
Girlf.s--.

________________________________X.Kristal.(:
lil'.

2008-04-06T06:43:00.000-07:00

A champion is someone who gets up,even when he can't.!

I AM GOING TO BE A CHAMP.
ZZ

take me away.
Far away,
away from this ugly place.

):

2008-04-04T01:04:00.000-07:00

Was late on Monday, byyyyy a feew mins, (again) Zz.What to do. All red light.
Th malay teacher talked to me.She said alot. Then there came :' Why must you be so hard onyourself hur! I stunned. It woke me up and i was sick/tired/not feeling good/and th people walking past all giving the ' ke lian!' stares, cannot tahan then brokedown. And when she put her hands ard me, i wanted to say thanks to her a million times. I felt protected and cared for. I love that feeling.
I'm happy i managed to pass this week quite happily (:

----------------------------------------

Huimin i know you want me to focus and study. I know you care and don't want me to get into any troubles. But.. Sometimes you stare too hard and talk to stern. I get scared./:You're becoming more like a teacher then a friend. You are great and i don't want to let you down or what. Nor anything oky.

-----------------------------------------

Jiepin you've always been the only one who is patient enough to teach me for 3 hours and more. You never gave up explaining to me. You get angry when i didnt listen. But you took the trouble to explain everything again. You get fustrated when i still dont understand. You raised your voice resulting in th bad sorethroat. Dui bu Qi. Now you stuggle with you speeches in drama. Ya, same old advice : Drink more honey ! (: heeh. But really very unfair uh. You sorethroat got the sweet-like-medicine. I sorethroat i swallow down tablets and gulp down bitter medicine!. Stella is digging the hoarse voices. Yes i owe you 3.50 alrdy. For th many fucks.

---------------------------------------

Stella aiya. you, no need say much. Heeh. ! Ni zhi, wo zhi. hahaha.
'But it Dont Matter, cause i got you.
' You are here, there's nothing i fear.
' I got to see you boo. Will you will you will you.
' Shou qian shou. Yi qi zou. ! (:
Collected from today. heeh.
You know ILY! .
If i want to say, i can write out a whole essay but.
i know you know ! (:

-----------------------------------------

Watched th soccer match. Zz. Got glued on.
Hard to walk away ah.
Then Jiaqing guy and whoever go despo-ly write another 'blapoem.
Zz. His friend even go tou pai. Wth. Dont know me want to meet me.
Then say what obliged?

----------------------------------------

little notes:
Keith you know what. If late, i want to late again with you. ! :D.
MianYu thanks for the ride home. I don't know how helllong i have to wait in school for the rain to stop if not for you.
PohYee, you laugh at everything ah! haha.
Abi Aw. Thanks for the 'picture'.! Aha.
Nikki You Zhen de Zhen de Zhu.
Yan zhou Yes you finally stop calling me hooker alrdy. I dont even know how you started!.
Marcus is horny and always high! (: .
I realized siu yen is not siew yen today.
Daphne can be funny and talk alot if she wants to.
Huang Meng always has nice food to give(: And she's great.
I think i didnt talk to liang yi at all this whole week.
Adrain+shija+himmat = Funny shit.! (:

------------------------------------

I can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel lonely.

I hate realizing that i'm alone.

-------------------------------------

XinXin. ! (:
这是我欠你的亲亲:D
SMUACKS ONE BIG WEET JUICY ONE! (:
Thanks for everything oky !
Druuug. !~

------------------------------------

JiaWei.
I don't see the significance of me. Like... Zz. I'm ordinary. Yout got many other people to talk to eh. Why spend so much time talking to me? Sometimes i don't reply, i feel theres no need to. Aiya, don't know lars. We are uneven pi gu now ! (:

----------------------------------

Oky. Now is study-fulltime.
Ah Ber became more... understanding~. And she changed my seat . Now i can concentrate ten times better. ! Realized how many marks and chances i've wasted last term. I hope i don't give up this time. I hope i 看到效果.

Whoa. So many people and so many names.

You can have all thats left of me.
I've been dying inside you see.

2008-03-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

--You've been v.v.v.v. patient&nice. !
Funnyy at times. ! Aha.
I can say i've been crying like shitz cause' my heart was aching from everything accumulated.
Didnt know i cared so holycow much.
I've been the indecisive and fickle-minded one.
Live with it. i just am.
i don't know who said those bullshitz and all about me.
You chose to believe'em.,
Alls fine. They might not be wrong or what.
but you be your own judge oky.
*************
Chances Aplenty for love ! (:
One chance for studies onlllyyyy eeeh.
Cant let it slip away.
Not like that. Not anymore.e. Jue dui bu ke yiiiiii ! ~
No more disappointment.
There has been too many.

I strayfromlove.
Having butterflies in the stomach
and falling head over heels all th time
Cant be good anyway.

Moving on. !

From everything.

Peak up.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Day after tomorrow will be an even better day..
Day after after tomorrow will be an even even better day...
God will make a way.

GOODNIGHT!
Dont you see sadness in my eyes,
bcause everything you told me were just lies.

我的心里踏实多了（：
我要好好用功。
不能让自己有呼吸的机会!

Thanks Yiwen,Xinxin and Huimin! (:

2008-03-31T03:15:00.000-07:00

You and me.(:

w.ithered rose.

''I am a flower quickly fading.

Here today and gone tmrw.

The way you toss in the ocean.

--who am i.

I dream.I can be the hero thats in me.I dream of a moment that forever will be golden.

Ranting here only makes people worried.

Just a quick thanks to Mr. Jiawei.Nj.(:

Coughing like hell.

i feel terrible atcually.

Theres gotta be more to life then what i see.--

Idontknow what is happening.

Do you?

--I Dream.

2008-03-30T06:39:00.003-07:00

I am sad.):
Sad.

2008-03-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

Such love I can never understand

Not a speck of guilt

Not a hint of shame

Yet accused by your very own

Not a reason for blame

Yet not a word, you said

As you took my place on that cross

Condemned to death

You never did deserve

Yet in silence took my place

Such loveI can never understand

Scourged and whipped

Your blood and wounds cry out

This innocence and pain

Such loveI can never understand

Losing voice is no fun.
Having to drink cups or water is no fun.Being sick is no fun.Having to see doctor later is worst.Iwillruntoyou-- \Zz. this post is screwed. 9.4.08

2008-03-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

不知为什么心突然破了一个洞似的

2008-03-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

我怕。

真得很怕很怕。

2008-03-24T05:35:00.000-07:00

Sucker. Feel uzelezzzzzzz.zz. ah after th call.
B. T./:

But even enemies can show respect..
I have respect. For.
you. you. you. you. you. you. and you.
Great.

哪里有彩虹能告诉我。
能不能把我的愿望还给我。
为什么天那么安静？
所有的云都跑到我这里。
接下来的路要往哪走？

I wont let th littlest things bring me down no more.
I wont. I'll still carry on.
Being Gay. =)

Drug. Zz. Where are you.

2008-03-24T03:14:00.001-07:00

I...used to.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

it's about learning to dance in the rain.

I want to try something.. different.

2008-03-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

Piazza Hut,Chalet at aloha.'' Fun dudes.! (:

After gulping down a whole cup of vacardi.

At cine. With-dont-know-whoes bike !

Outside arcade! heeh. I love air slammer and car racing games!(:

K-box.

Mario. -- !~ (:

Yumm! A happy girl with a full stomach!

Watched Horton.

3 stars! (:

'' In my world, there are grasses filled with ponies.

My ponies eat rainbows and poo butterflies.

Went Back to Gmp for church service.

I almost cried singing the songs.);

I miss chapel.

I regret not appreciating those chapels every weds back those years.
I miss having chapel with grace,crystal,alson,fankai,marcus. ! (: Aha.

Those were the days/.

Went Macs with amanda's group.Nice people. (:

Took many photos. Will upload once sent.

Life has been fulfilling and great (:
I know i cannot expect to be happy all th time.

because then, life will be mundane.

There will be nothing special about it all.

Many events. So many i've forgotten.

Not joking but, i've been sleeping at 2-3am everyday since 13march.

Zz. Body's clock is all wrong. And everytime i wake up, i yawn. Wt.

Oky. Kristal.Enough.

Realized that i have'nt been giving myself a chance to daydream anymore.

That was what i was best at.

Now. I'm stuck in reality.

Now. I dont give myself the singlest second to fantasize./:

And i just found out my maid smokes too. Zz.

WakeupKristal.

You dont want to waste another day.--

2008-03-13T07:02:00.001-07:00

开心！

快乐！

幸福！

冲凉！

2008-03-13T04:20:00.000-07:00

Out of boredom.

Feel the saliva evrywhre ah,
Good teacher(:

Out of boredom.. again.

and again.

jacq~

xin!

Xiang! They say we lookalikeee(:

Why people complain cannot read my entries!

Eeeeeeee. Aha. Ass! Eeeee somemore.

Walking in the rain.. is. Nice.

Needed washing.

Wakeupcall lord sent. And i woke up.!(:

I'm a happy girl *grins.

_______________________

Ytrday, so shiok ah. Woke up at 5.30am. Eyes itchy and pain.Rubrubrub.. rub rub rub..rubrubrub.

BUT STILL ..zz, Rub until angry ah. Rly wantedto sleep till noon. Had a really bad dream.):

Dreamt about getting th suckiesresults , Bian tai. Decided not to sleep then and that.

------

Burgerking for breakfast at Ecp with Xin.Eateateat.Talktalktalk. Then.Suddenly, of all places, of all time, of whatever lars,Ass,Shija,Adrain aiya, I think al` the soccer boys came in.

Ass made me laughhhhh like shit. You lamo,joker,.funny guy~(: Somemore go act starwars, draw on the window! Hee. Xin knows. We came in like 1hr earlier than'em, But they left 45mins earlier than us.Hoho.Nvrmind. We know how to enjoy life ah. 慢慢来吗.

------

Was raining heavily. So, decided not to be fools and wait.Walking barefoot in the rain at ecp is th bomb. Spin&twirlenough alrdy. We saw anempty tent. Had a crazy idea to carry the tent and walk.Haha. Then continued walking for half and hour in the rain. A guy even ' Enjoy your bath' us.

Walking in the underpass alone and not doing anything is scary._.

------

Met stella and osten at Ntuc. Haha. Laughed like shit again. Man. Both of'em tghter.= POWER!

Haaai. Stella. 失败eh. Lmao. (: Mm-mm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Took bus to bugis. Cut hair. (: Likelike.Met heng&bought birthday cake for xiang.

Went to eat at Mario.Korean steamboat. And then i learnt that i dont know how to enjoy food one. I just gobble everything down. Nvr think so much about the flavour,taste shit. I stick to sinapore's. (: Loyal ah. Xiang's bf. was s.weet. Aw.

--------

Went k-box. 20bucks per head ah. /: And we 那时刻的心情喝汽水也会醉 !(: Enjoyed alot.

Went wild. Reached home at about 1am+ fall on the bed and sleep.

-------

Today 七早八早 wake up, go ecp clean beach.-.- Biantai.

Then went to stella's house. Hoho. Lunch was... luckily-not-as-spicy-as-i-thought.(:

Heeh. And Laogongpo kept 帮我加鱼-.- Aha

--------

Went down tk to fetch Max & Went to jiepin's house.(:

Watched My wife is a gangster 3. Wa. Laugh till sides hurt. Heeh. But i like!

Was so 激动! I kept moving forward&back when laughing till` my head hit the floor._.

Tmrw might be sleepover & saturday is off to leisure park for jacq's b'day(:

Jacqqqqqq. Lucks for everything ah. ! (: JIA YOU. with him!

Zz. I know ya.

you girls can stop acting-.-

2008-03-11T04:52:00.001-07:00

Plz. I dont know what you're thinking.or what is happening. Should i just say goodbye?You gotta knw i have no energy now.,To savalge,to play mindgames,.Why do i have this bad feeling.That you;re straying away. that i;m losing grip. of u.s. Realized it did you? Why do i have this disgusting feeling you dont even give a hoot about everything you do to me. Stop. Making me feel so dizzy from the twisting and warping you did to me. Enugh,
I dont want.. to lose you. I dont want... to fall. I dont want...
Plz .
Dont call dont come by.
Dont ask.
I'm not your toy.

I just want to know.. W. hat I.s H.appening,.

"me ah?
Ya you.

I'mscared.Rlyam.

2008-03-10T04:58:00.000-07:00

I'mscared.alsfdjsdhfsjhfdjhfsfhudsyhuwyruiewyhfuiwhfuiehwuhwuihreuwrhuwiehruwehruwehr
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddfof fallingasuidfudhfhdjhfsjhfdsjhfjdfhsjfdhjsdhfjshfjshfjdfhjkshfjdhfjsfhjk
Plz.DontLetgoofme.

2008-03-10T00:53:00.000-07:00

Good Day.

2008-03-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

I made the wrong-est decision when i was 8.

My greatest regret.---

the day i ticked a no to step into your grace and accept your open arms in glory.

chose the hard way.

竟然选哲了这条路，就要勇敢地走下去.

Though i know its not too late..

I wonder whats holding me back.

Nevertheless, i know.

you are still here.

--with me.

Song playing : At the cross-hillsong.

2008-03-05T02:12:00.000-08:00

Oh great. I'm happy again. Tink!

(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Last night gastric camee again!.Painn.like fuck, Didnt managed to vomit on bro's bed though. ! =x Haah.ThanksSTELLA,HUIMIN,KEITH,JOSHUA. For those' you better eat now arhs. GO DRINK HOT MILK IT HELPS. GO EAT. (: words of wisdom.Z. Heeh. bet you're freakin` surprised to see your name here eh keith. ! hah. Oke. Blogger is getting irritaaaating. I cannot upload camp photos! zz. Sucker. Tried so many timees alrdy. ! Waste my precious time. Pui./ heh. Thanks JIEPIN for coming down to find me too.! (: Super surprised to see missed calls from you eh. And i knoow. My complexion is getting suckier lars. Enooooooough! Enoughhh. !I need ahmah's birdnest):Hmm. Nvrmind. By god's grace, it will be like... por-ceeelain' in no time! eh.Time to stop neglecting your skin kristaal. XIN. I order you to give me your skin!NOWNOW ): Rah.
[:x.]
Yeah man/. Cousins are planning baking and sleepovers during holidays(: Three cheers and three cheeers and three cheers. ~ HipHipHooooray. :D
After school care today was quite fun eh. Three of us managed to succesfully get through it tghter.! Hohoho' ' One more hour! One more hour! Fifteen more mins! Ending alrdy Ending alrdy! hahaha. After school care is good. Just that..it gets boring when we have to keep on studying for 3 hours. /:Talked a lil`!Oke. Maybe a little more then little.heh.And Drawdrawdraw with renee.She tested me my ting xie. I freakin` wrote each word 10times and it didnt fking helped. Cause' when she was marking she was like ' wrong! wrong! wrong! aiyo. so many croosses . CHA CHA CHA, Haii:D LOL. [ I faileeed); BUT. I'M NOT GIVING UP.NOT YET.
IF NOT HUIMIN AND STELLA SALIVA WILL BE WASTED. Heeh.

B.T. I dont know what i do w/o you. Zz.
Aiyo. How. Hahaha. And dont be angry nor sad over some engleland pooors lyk shitsssz. guy oke! Heeh.(:
Loves! Aw man. Gave my ehemehemfirsttimetoyoualrdylaa!taoyan., HAHAA.
Noo people. Dont think dirty .

We've got stars directing our fateand we're praying it's not too late
Millennium

Saved. Revived. Alive and kicking again.

___________________________________x.kristal.
Diaryslams.!

2008-03-04T03:05:00.000-08:00

Shattered on the ground.
Go trampling down.
Three miles DOWN.
Fee Fa foe.

Whatever. Oke. Now, my energy is rly drai.n.ed. No dejavus plz. Its happening all over again. ! Happy. -----sad. Happpyyy--- sad. This cycle sucks balls. Why on earth cant it be happy-happy-veryhappy-extremely happy-happy. veryhappy etc. !

School life is... fun. But boring. Cause' we always do the same thing all over again. I dont like.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Skipped after school care today. And went to watch netball match against tkg. Won!(:
Cried today. Cause' __________ & I rly worked hard for studies. But efforts dont seem to pay off. i Dont fking see the results. I feel like its all useless. I feel like its all going down the drain.the fruits i wait for after labour aint riping. Results are still u.g.eel.ly.
They say perfect practice makes perfect. Crapz. They say ' wait, and you will see. But,. I'm afraid before i could even see, i give up! I need motivation. I need motivation. I need the rock. the push. Sb to show me the way.Zz.

i'mhappy. Cause' many said they would be there.
But to find out. They werent rlyrly. there.
I dont know.

--A nongnongtimeago.--

____________________________________X.kristal
Diary closed.

Here comes wasted head-spaceParanoiaAnger, misplaced feelingsLeave me nowhereAll the timeI'm so sick of people's expectationsLeaves me tired all the time,Daddy where's the sun gone from the skyWhat did we do wrong, why did it dieAnd if you've got no love for me then I'll say goodbye.

2008-02-29T17:41:00.000-08:00

Three Miles Up.
Andlivin`onaprayer.
Whatever happens, i'm not gna break,

Camp is th bestestbest thing tht happened to me this year.(: To.ta.lly. And because the joy cannot be described just like that. And because theres just too many things needed to be expressed, i dont know where to start. Nah uh. But i will make evry second count,-- Oh yeah. I sure am.

1stday
Makan cheer.- sa, sa, sa, xi shuashua xishuashua,makan! I lovelovelove silentkillersGrp15) heh. Love how our energy never drains out.love how our spirits never go down. Love how we cheered wherevr we went. Radioo on!' . Evry littlest thing, we cheered. We didnt win in the end.But we know we're champions by default eh. 2H rock on. Love!love!

Pitched our tent. And it turned out oh-so-low. Hee. First timers.so...-Not badNotbad.(:
Did the 'balance on the rope to cross the muddy-river first. Looks easy but hard like anything eh. Then got stuck. Dropped. But Darius was nice enough to sacrifice and bring th chair over. My shoes got muddy shit.Liangyi took pictures! Hopefully, she send it. (: Then, did the nature rumble, water tumbler thing.Oh, i rmbr the name now. River cascading. heh. Low tide. Buttt, Our spirits aint damppened.! Still went in anyway, got pushed. cut. and stung by a 'ass-sharp like dont know what insect on my finger!/: It got swollen as big as my thumb. Rah. Indiannah jones was next. Classic. Hah. And i was praai.sed. heh. Zaczach(trainer) said ' Kristal kept going and going. She fell, but stood up,tried all over again.went and continued & gave her 110%. And thats how it should be. Evryone claapped. Aw. Siew Yen was rocking like a rocking chair. Aha. Happy. Cause' i finally 为我出一口气 (: Stella, Huimin & jiepin knows why,. ! Zz. you can talktalktalk for all i care ya. Cause' i'm not gna be dumb enough and nor are you gna be power enough to break a girl who thinks nothing but a 10cent coin of you. Brokedown on my way back. Aw. But it was alright in the end(: Had a good talk. Washed up.

And i cannot open the toilet doorrr! Evrytime i go in, eveytime i lock the door, evrytime i want to get out i find out i cannot open the door, i start to scream. I rmbred the second time, daphne kept' kristal kristal! relax. Just push the door and turn! ' hahaha.It really work! I came out and hug her/: heh. Then evrybody looked at me. Oops. i did it again. She sketched me on the bus too. !(: Pictures are promised to be posted. (: Went for a boat ride to see fireflies. The wind was super cooooool. Lullabyed me to sleep. While jiepin beside me kept talktingandtalking to get me to reply. hahah, But, i was too sleeeepy. Threw a paper ball at the trees where the fireflies are.They said fireflies has a 3days lifespan./:

2nd day.
All the loww rope courses and rafting(: Me and Jiepin set the record for the balancing thingg.(: Aha. But Darius and siewyen broke it in the endd after countless attempts. Zz. We had to balance on the seesaw thing for 10seconds. But did 9. /: One freakin` sec. eh. Heart pain. Haah. Then went for night walk. The stars are like.... b,e.autiful. I love the night sky la. Especially when there are soo many twinkling. And we go 'twinkle twinkle little staaars!(: Aw. I kept looking up till neck pain just so that i can remembr the sight. Even when crossing the bridge, which made me super dizzy after that. Took turns to walk alone.
As i walk in the valley,
wher there are shawdows all around,
do not fear for he will guide you
he will keep you safe and sound.
I will fear no evil for thy art thou they comfort me.
Raaah, forgot the song already la. zz.
But, i kept repeating it when i was walking.(:
Lord helped
Alot.

3rd day
Expedition to Mt Panti.Found a leech on me. But pulled it out before it could start sucking. Aha.If i knew that slimy,black, hair-small thing was a leech i wouldnt pull it out lars./: Wanted to try how it feels like. Zz. First to ate noodles. Cause' i think nobody wantedtoeat noodles cooked with 2flies. soooo, I prepared my cutlery and ate first. Ah ber said flies have protieins. Oke, nvrmind, Then did kayaking. Hoho. Didnt want to do it at first. Butt, jiepin...aw. cannot take it. that face and voice. hahaha, in the end 下水了. But it was veriveriverrri fun. !(: Campfire night was amazing too. First to perform and we cheered all the way. ! (: Throats hoarse. Sleeepy, but still high anyway! Girls slept in the canteen at night. 睡的好熟哦!(: Love waking up to see girlsf. beside mee. 那时刻,觉得自己好幸福.!

4thday.
Home-sweet-home.
C heered in the bus.
Slept at 6.30pm woke up at 7.30am.
I hope. I wish. I pray.
That 2008 never ends.

Laast timeee.
This is the last.
Each happy ending is a brand new beginning.

(:
Thanks for putting up with my attitude at times.
Thanks for trying to understand me.
Thanks for always comforting,encouraging & being there for me.
Thanks for listening to me.
Thanks stella, huimin & jiepin.

2008-02-23T04:54:00.000-08:00

Everything seems to be dying off.
Fking hate how you are tattooed to me.
And how you are under my skin.
You're like a irritable stain i scrub so hard to get rid of but still leaves behind a mark.
You're like a speck of dust in my eyes no matter how i tried to blow away wont go.
You're like rain, who never goes away.

Today was wasted. I think that weather i live today or not makes no differnce,
cause nothing was done. nothing.
I listened to f4. *grins.
And it made me forget. fantasy i was in.
Till the two songs vaness sung.
Bham. Brought me back to reality.

I'm afraid. Rly am.
I'm afraid i will become irritating and lose who i was cause' of fking insecurites and ya.?
zz. cause, the words people said. I've become so immuned to sweet words.
I no longer feel. I feel the change. In everything. Including me.
And i know how i am now sucks.
I know. And when i said words to you on the phone, i was thinking 'wht tha heck,!. kristal,. whats with you.
With words i know i never speak., I spoke. Dirty thoughts polluting my mind. It smells.
i Dont know how all these could affect me so much. I used to didnt care a hoot, nor a damn.,
I dont seem to be in controll of me now. Neh uh.
And these days, all i feel was ' i am easily replaceble. shes better for you. you people dont need me. I've been a nobody. I was nothing. They need you more then i do, you're better off with them. ;
fuck. with all these self-pity. zz. Thats why i no longer fight. I no longer taaa.lk. Z.
'I guess i need time. To overcome everything.But before that, please, no mtr how my insecurites can ittirate a hell' of shit out of ya, or anything. Dont give up on me.
Cause' i know, the atmosphere seems different. Be it on the phone or whaterv.
I become so fucked- up,. Over one stupid thing.
I know you dont like the present me cause' me too detest the present me.
But know what.Time will come. time will go. --tghter with it evryth,

I didn't lose my mind it was mine to give away Couldn't stay to watch me cryYou didn't have the timeSo I softly slip away...No regrets they don't workNo regrets they only hurt Sing me a love songDrop me a lineSuppose it's just a point of viewBut they tell me I'm doing fine. Officially dead

Becuz i lost one.
i didnt wnt to lose another one.
i grip too tight, i hold hopes too high.i expect too much. thus things will be like this.
But.. i wonder. How long beore girlsf. would stay, how th bond will weaken. how th love will die.
Or will it never? Or will it soon?
When you siad you delted that line, my heart dropped a hundred stories down.
When you siad its due to being afraid you aint able to commit what you did.
its makes me feel.' Oke, you dotn wna disappoint me. but by deleting that line, you already did. And it sucks.
g-r-e-a-tly.
Nobody likes a person with insecurites, & muteness. So, just give me time. i promise you, th old kristal will be back in no time.,

Cause i feel like they can equally make you happy.
They try all means to be with you.
I on the other hand, accept it so naturally to be with you.
i think what you give me, its not worth it.
cause they did more, so they deserve more. is what i think.
so, at times i just push you away. and give you away. drag them in and share with them whatever you are givuing to me. for fear thar i was taking too much.And it feels wrong to get so much from you, when i did n-o-thing- for you., Wherease they on the othr hand done so much and go to great lengths. and all means.
i feel like they need and want you so. I'm ok as long as they are happy and you are. I shall not fight. You can go.--.

--and to find out, at the end of the day' i'm left with nothing.
causse' it was al'didvided up and sharent.,
with o.thers.

2008-02-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

And if its anybody who make me smile,its you.
And if its anybody who found me back, its you.
And if its anybody who can make me so luan and huang zhang, its you,
And if its anybody who can make me so queit the whole day just to rmbr the tune of a freakin' song, its you,
And if its anybody who can make me laugh just because you are laughing, its you.
And if its anybody who can make me hear ' ni zhi wo de tian kong' 987000times and keep resreshing the page to hear umtil your blog jammed. Its you.
And if its anybody who can make me so afraid of getting replaced by somone else or what-so-ever in your heart. its you.

你揉着哭红的眼睛
你说这世界冷冰冰
你怀疑什么是真情
想放弃，想远远的逃离，
伤放在一旁别再多想,将过去遗忘，
不要哭泣，不要哭泣你应该被珍惜.
_____________________________________________
Bastard. I ~~will be~~ AM happy!
You TOOOO alright.
Thanks for everything you've done behind my back to help me.(:
heh. I knw you see the 'behind my back' will 'stuned dao.' right.
haah. But nonono, not like this.
And i rly mean it.
我是真的真得很爱你!
And eeh. My maid JUSTJUST 'eh kristal, whats the song you playing very nice eh. The melody very nice.' then i tried to translate the lyrics for her.-.- But abit suck eh. Heh. Bad expresser.
Then i think she hear untill bu nai fan already. Hah.

----------------------------
Drug.
You are another super super important person in my life eh!
我也要你快乐(:
http://whats-wif-me.blogspot.com
Her post for me make me cry like i'm watching some soap oprea./:
Heeh.
Thanks, You make me happy when skies are greey.
And you are great.
Never ever say, ni bu pei !~
Lets go k-boxx . I want you to sing for mee again.
Lets go ecp again, I want to lose to you in running like mad women to the crosses we marked!
Lets go b.k again, i want you to treat me two onion rings cause you were late! HAHA. and be all
' sorry!sorry!sorry!' then face redred cause you ran there.
Lets go suntann and try to make you darker.!
Lets go rollerblade under the rain and then sit on the grass and talk when the rain gets lighter again.
Lets try to folooow how that guy infront of us turn and twist and then knock into the lampost when i atcually tried. lets play nightball,soccer, and everything.
Lets talk about everything under the sun, in the night,
Lets sleepover at your house and wake up soo super early to go ecp and run but walked cause we were too tempted to tlaktalktalk-.- or maybe.. atcually,me!. hahaha.
lets shu yi er san mu tou ren!
Lets do all the many things we did and more againandagain.
C ause i can nver get enough of it.
you got me thirsting for more.
(:
ILY!
__________________________________________

S.W.EE.T AS.S.E.S

亲爱的，那不是爱情

2008-02-22T05:55:00.000-08:00

This night:
Someone told me somthing i was excited to hear about. But after he told me, i wished he didnt.): Nah uh. Not at all. My mind is polluted and flooded with hunddreds of thoughts. 'Kristal tan, you are not supposed to think so much, it harms you.' i told myself. But, my heart did not follow my mind.Overwhelmed.-- It sucks how now i must try to put a '-er' being everything you feel now and no longer feel how you feel anymore cause' if i ever did I be an idiot. To be happi-er. To be bett-er. To be high-er.
And because this turned out to be a dream. wake up. Life has its ups and downs.
Rah. The 64minsand 55seconds confrence helped. gre.a.t.ly. Thanks alot. Like what xiangjie say,
Girlf.(s) are the important ones in school life. Cause' they will always be --with you. Now till` the end.So unimpressed, but so in aweSuch a saint, but such a whoreSo self-aware, so full of shitSo indecisive, so adamentI'm contemplating, thinking about thinkingIt's so fustrating, just get another drink in Watch me come undone. Enough said.

Goodbye,.

And Drug. You are forever and always good enough ya:D
R.-m.b-r.

2008-02-22T04:08:00.001-08:00

Fuck you right back.

Thistimeisdifferent.
feltlikeiwasjustavictim.
Anditcutmelikeaknife.

Youcangetlostzz.

2008-02-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

Idont`feelsogood):

2008-02-17T06:07:00.000-08:00

我们都是大大大大爱情白痴。
明明彼此都很在乎，
深爱对方却
因为怕而做出莫名其妙，傻傻的事情来。
因为怕会空白了手。
因为怕，就不要承认。
怕，所以老实不要说出来。笨蛋！

天上万个星星我却只看到你
地上多的泥土我却只看到你
要说这是新运海是不可思议/

2008-02-17T03:54:00.001-08:00

zz.idontknowwhatyouwant.
iknowyouyetidontknowyou,
donttreatmelikehowyoutreatherya?
cause'ifyourlywnttodoso,youcanjusttellitstraighttomyface.
fuckfuckfuckfuck.
ishouldntevencareeh.
causeyoudontseemtheleastbotherd.
forgetit,

2008-02-16T02:51:00.000-08:00

Mum saw Dm. It was quite alright. Just that.. i could see tears forming in her eyes.):
these two days she has been crying, i know. Crying to sleep, crying as she was eating..
I dont know what to do. And because i chose to tao bi, i slept for 17 hours.
zz. Skipped dinner, skipped evrything. And woke up after 17hours. And you fucking Uncle.
You can seriously FOAD. fucking treating your sister this way. You jerk !only
know how to depend on your father's company to show whos' the fking boss
when you dont even fking qualify as one. Dad's in penang. I want her to know she's not alone,
but..zzz. Evrytime i want to talk to her, i also feel like crying. Rah.Bro's in sentosa suntanning-.-
hah.
Nvrmind, i got sunshineeee & advic-er & teach-er. eh.you know what b.t. i didnt smile when i read your post. i laughed. like crazeeeh. heh,you power lars. And thanks for the timetable you made{; wo hui hao hao zhen xi de. I will not disappoint you, huimin and jiepin no more. zz. ILYA!~

And And i can do 3 pull-ups the boys style one. heeh! Oke, but now i got blisters. the sucide thingy still trying.My long jump rly sucks. heh.
Common test's next week. JIA YOU!

About you now-sugarbabes. is nice.[:
--cause' i know how i feel about you now.
i love chart attack on mtv. Aha.

Anddude,youugtaknwiadmireyrcourage.
Thanks for all the v'day presents too yupp.[:

ZZZ. what are you trying to show off lurhhurs?
And you xiaoxin lars. Dont test my patience.
keep alookout of all the things you do,.
you know what you did. all those xia jian things.
You yourself will stand alone in the end.
cause' you are fking blablabbla. i'm not going to continue.
but if you think you so weida, just look ard you
& atcually rly count how many true friends you got.
Dont assume whos the one unless you got a guilty conscience.

and whth evry kiss and evryhurt.
ever every after.

2008-02-13T02:44:00.001-08:00

Today--

zz. i was the only one i class who didnt bring thermometer. Super shocked eh. Stella reminded me but i read already then deleted the sms-.- heh. Iidiot.! Oke. Nvrmind. skip. - Stella bet you read this will be ' huo gai! see la. right.-.- jajajaj/
Then when i reached class evrybody already started on portfolio. zzz. then when marc finished his compre i was doing Q2. Then i became super nervous i dont know how to spell stubborn. I was like. " gor gor always say i stubborn what. How can i dont know how to spell. Mann. think i'm going to lose lots of marks.
-skip. Then history remedial. I FKING TOLERATED LIKE SHIT. EH YOU. DONT FKING PUSH ME TOO FAR YA.
zzzz. theen. After school care. Manged to revise history.[: Then come out, Dm ask me to tell my mother see her tomrow. RAH. W-h-a-t-s this man,.
Nvrmind. Then, cabbed home. Thanks Renee/les/gay/partner.! HAHAHA.

The end of my day--.

Seems like my days keep getting intresting-er and intresting-er. /:

youfkingidiot.
Buyaotaiguofen.):
please?

2008-02-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

I've been searching forA heart that needs a heart like mine,
Someone to hold me when I'm lonely
Someone to keep the rain away
(Chorus:)One in this world for everyone
One HeartOne soul to walk beside youOne in this life to share you're loveOne touch To touch the heart inside you
Wanna reach for each night
Wanna trust with you're life
Thats what I believe (I believe)
I've been praying that
Someone like you would rescue me
I've been hoping thatI'd find my way to you
I've been dreaming that Somehow I'd finally find somebody
Somebody to make my dreams come true
Someone to hold me when I'm lonely
Someone to give my whole world to(Chorus:)One in this world for everyoneOne HeartOne soul to walk beside youOne the Someone to tell my secrets to
Someone who's living for me only
Someone to give my whole world to
They say they sayThey say they say(Chorus:)
One in this world for everyoneOne HeartOne soul to walk beside you
One in this life to share you're loveOne touch
To touch the heart inside you
Wanna reach for each night
Wanna trust with you're

-- I can relate to this song.[:

2008-02-12T03:47:00.000-08:00

-oke. I'm down for after-school-care.
-Aha. Pigbrainn/drug took me for valentine. !.
-Lorna said she give me a stalk of flower for valentine.!.
-The Chinese new year i looked forward like fuck to since it ended last year past so freakin` quickly. I didnt even realised.
-Ass taught me how to long jump. Oke, if i never improve at least a lil i can go bang door. He typed so much. Aha.
-My complexion is getting suckieeerrrr. I need ahmah's bird nest{: Rmbred how valerie was mian qiang-ed. by -grandma to try one bottle. lollolol. I miss the SOHS& amanda. I miss.
-Me & jiepin tried the rubrid cube today. I cant even make one side the same colour-.-
-Stella is getting more & more out-of-control. heh. but... i likeit. ; !Walaoey batutub look at computer smile what smile la lol. heeh
-Huimin i finally give you ONE advice after 12346advices you gave me [:
-Why am i typing evrything in [s]point[/s] dash form.
Gah.

Thanks for making me happy when skies are grey.

The fonts in this comp suck.
Bleeding love----. is a nice song. Aha.

2008-02-11T04:30:00.000-08:00

当我们同在一起[：- Hui Ying-会赢!
Sharol who opens the leg of barbie dolls[:

ADRAILLAAAALALA.
Oke, i fogot his name.
Nicknamed: naughty. xoxo~

youmakemegolala, in the kitchen on the floor.@。

一眼一瞬间，

2008-02-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

HAPPYCHINESENEWYEARLAPEOPLE. [:

Mumm.
& me.

Our hard worrk[: heh. 1st prize! Freakin` paid off man.[:

Me,Abi & Nikki. 3rd Prize too[: hee.

Me & abi. [:
HOHOHO. Me,Grace and shaoyun.[:

6/2-

Cny celebration in school.Had face painting. fun[: Nikki you stop yawning. you. hah. Abi, you brave la.[: Me, Grace & shaoyun.-- with Marcus,Germin,Wanting,Chienling &Jiawei ;
Went back to gmps.Stayed for awhile and got chased out by the security guard. ALson Ang, you veeerrri busy hor. Grr.,Then, went to macs eat eat eat and waited for marcus.Cabbed to kallang leisure to iceskate.But we went bowling &arcade instead, Played basketball for freee. heh. cause' the machine spoil. :D and watched kongfu dunk[:Darn nice. Five stars for kongfu dunk. heh.I dropped one tear. But the whole movie was overall super funny.ANDDD i think i beat-ed my bowling record alreadddy! heh.I didnt fail bowling no more.Then mum fetched evrybody to alj. mrt station.[:
Went to Xin & Heng house for renuion dinner! So nuzzy the feeling. Love steamboats man.
though i always eat not full one. /: OH YAH. & we played banluck too. I lost 11bucks. Rah.
Then ASS told me not to play anymore. later pocket burn HOLE. BUTTT, In the end counting yesterday's I ALLTOGETHER WINN 20bucks plus! I recoupped my losses and won too. ~! :D wa.
feel quite accomplised eh :D AND I STARTED WINNING WHEN BATHTUB SMS ME !AW. YOU LUCKY star*. AHAHAHA. BATHTUBB![: I NOT ASSHOLE CAN. IF I ASSHOLE I WOULDNT SMILE LIKE FUCK WHEN I READ YOUR SMS-.- !! heeh.

7/2
Went to laogu house,eateateat.Evrybody was there la.Then ahmah's house. Learnt to play bridge, playplayplay. Yeaah. Me & huiting won. Aha. The guys was freakin` busy xboxing. -.-Then went back to our house. Evrybody was there alreaddy.[: Then me and xin spent whole day screaming like dont know what when we played duballon disaster. NEOPET. heh.fun.Aw you pigbrain. :D Then played banluck and it was steamboat timee.[: HOHOHO.
Drank.drankdrank.Then went k-box with xin&heng's family! [: Aw. Lovee it la. Reached home at 3am. Rahh.Go agaaain next timee?? Funn. funny.!!

8/2
Got woken up by my mother talktalktalktlaktlaktlatkaltkalktlaa at 10am-.- Rah. then Went Ahyak abalone restaurant eat... sharkfins, lobster, crab. not. Went ALLL the way there to eat dimsum-.- Raah. Sucker. Oke. Nvrmind becuase Nicholas and guowei was treating.. SOOO.
Aha. Cause' ahgong say give 100bucks for each A1 they scored for O-levels. All togethr they took 1500bucks. Hohoho. 2years later, its my turn.Scary. Then everybody came to our house. Played cards. Then i managed to sleeep a lil after they left.[: Then got woken up by my brother tatklatkalktlatkaltkalktltktlkaltkaltalk. -.- Then went to Lao ee's house. Aha. At first lost alot.But in the eenddd, banker changed and won...14 bucks. heh. Bro won 40bucks. eeyee.r Then everybody went back to our house. Played pool and banluck. Funn..[: then go playgrd play ball at ard 10,11pm? FUNN[: Aw. Jacq. you still got hopee ehh! [; JIAYOU. Sure can findd onee. Aha.
Then felt like running., ran one round while evrybody played mu-tou-ren. ! :D

9/2
Staying at home. Today. Woke up at 11. Zzzzx. Bro went to teacher's house. Imagine 2h going to ahber's house./: lol. Later i think going Xin &heng's house again?Idk. MOREEE PICTURES IN bro's phone and camera.[:

Oke, i'm done with this post.
enjoy your last second day of holis.
xoxo--

Thisnewyearissupersuperfunbecuzofeverybdy&

evrythingthathappened.

I LOVE'em. mycuzzinss! [: -- one big family.;家人

iirrrreplaceble.irreeeplaceble.Notmtr`what. {:

到最后才了解家人对我是最好的。

不管发生什么事，转头一看，我还有他们。[：不管什么。我知道

[：

2008-02-03T01:29:00.000-08:00

ohhh..
The truth is tearing up my heart
i can't recognise this place.

The endless road withouht a stop sign.
Can't even find a stranger this time.

Why am i still holding back my tears.
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear..

evry chord still seems to wonder that we could be together.
evrtime i ask if this will be the last.

why am i still talking to cell.
hoping that you will have the keys to myself.

evry song wil calm the weathr but it just draws me deeper.

how do i get out of this?
I guess i never will.

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last.

A winding path down my face.
Till i begin to taste the bitterness inside.

Why am i still holding back my tears.

--endless road.

its okay kristal,
you still have....

GETLOST.
i dont need no one.
who am i kidding.
------------------------

2008-02-02T06:09:00.001-08:00

Haywire.

2008-02-02T02:46:00.000-08:00

Changed my blog song to valerie's & my favourite song while playing neopets :)
aha.just came back from sing. post.
And i fking dropped the 5bucks[reward] my mum gave cause i helped to push the NTUC trolleey!
Rahh.

Now i know.. aha.

2008-02-01T23:18:00.000-08:00

Mood now: 'over you'-chris daugtry.

Now that it's all said and done,

Fell to far, was in way too deepI guess.

A long long time better More than you knowI'm slowly getting closureI guess it's really overI'm finally getting betterNow I'm picking up the pieces and spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back togetherThe day I thought I'd never get throughI got over you!You took a hammer to these wallsdragged the memories down the hall ,lot of others opened upSo did my eyes so I could .Well I never saw it coming I should of started runningA long long time agoAnd I never

just lyrics ya.

words in white.

aint meant to be read.
(:

i'm going sing. post.

tata.

aha.

Got my sleep.

happy already.

2008-02-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

drawn by me, on homeboard{;

In china.

huimin!
Mom's b'day present from me.[:
vivo.

Us.
us/
us/
empty waterbottles
aha. blowblow.

2008-02-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

坚持到底！拼啊!

Ok. Today's special.
Shall blog out my whole day :)

Morning was late for school by two mins.7.32 pm. great.Then on the way to school saw a flattened- cat in the middle of e road.eeks.Then i dont know they singing national anthem already,i just walked in the school, somemore i thought i havent late la!walk in so proudly, in the end...ehem.ehem.aha. No wonder those people at the gate stand like statue la!/:

Laughed alot this week in claas la!lol.Always getting amused- me and jiepin.hhahah.Super super funny lars. :)
Zhule& Marc was freakin` reading the dictionary, thought what.-.-Then they keep laughing, ask them share.
In the end eh,they show me. haai. disappointed. LOL.

Ok. then we had science practical.tried to help light up the match but failed. heh.
Theeeen, got fire drill. aha.Nice.
School ended early today cause of tk road run.
anywaay, aftertht went kfc with Jiepin,Stellak,Vinniew,Wkylie,Pohyee {; funny,
Ok.then we walked underpass, play game.Then B,T 不哲手段 win!hahaha. No la. atcually she just never stop when i say stop-.-Then everybody keep running and running.hahhaa.! Aw, you reached first aye? :)

Then, we shared umbrellas.
'' When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath imma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh,

At first, walked out of underpass, no raain.then we shouted, & sceamed & played. Aha. Theeen, in the end eh!
Rain like dont know what.& THE SCHOOL! Wa wa wa. Irriataing eh.Got bbq pit 18 dont want choose,go choose bbq pit 58.! Then we walk walk walk walk walk walk.Took One whole hour to walk then reach. Somemore, raining super heavily.Then saw many people give up u-turn back. Aiyo. And we perservereeedd, even though cancelled already. lol.Felt freakin` accomplished[: aha.Failure eh the run. Bbq pit 58 的风景比较好 or what meh!?

Then felt super cold. Cause drenched like shit.Though we had foour umbrellas.-.-Ok, atcually partly cause i also ask stella to close the umbrella enjoy the rain.lol. Then Mr Singh say take one bottle of water then go back.
I was like ok loh,. 不拿白不拿! I dont like drinking water, so i was like 'kylie challenge with me drink water, see who faster, ( so that can forceee myself ). then we stop at the label there.And i won! aha. Felt frekin` full. Then later evrbody also joined in aha. imagine like 7 despos drinking. Then stella and jiepin. pro eh.

We were lucky we stayed, cause school called one bus to pick us up:) I shiver like dont know what la. Brr.
Then reached school, take bus and home-sweet-home. Roar. then while waiting for bus, i damn need to go toilet la. (!!!) And is realllyreallyreaaalay need that kind. Darn i drank too much. haah.

Ok. then yesterday during pe, we ran 2 rounds ard technical block warm up, 6rounds ard techinical block & 2 rounds around the whole schhol. nice life. in the end came in 6th like that with all the boys. wa. felt super accomplishedd too.cause' only girl standing there {:

Mr riza- you, (!)
- you shouted at me in the hall to shup up.
- you talk to my mum infront of calss during pe cause' i say i cannot have pe due to gastric. you dont beleive.
talk to mother and talk to me, wa. voice is worlds-apart.

when we were running--
cause' i running with the guys,
then he was like .
GO GUYS. You can do it.
then i look at him.
then he'' AND GIRLS TOO. i'm not sexist k.!/
hahaha.

ok,thats all for today. [:

fuckyourattitude.
Armedwithitaye.

2008-01-24T05:25:00.000-08:00

who am i.
No mtr wht`.

2008-01-24T02:23:00.000-08:00

Dont speak.
Bulleyes.

(:

2008-01-23T02:11:00.000-08:00

Gimmemre.

nothing seems to be the way

that it used to.

evryth seems shallow,

lord giveme truth.

I'd think i give up.

On evrything.

Evry single tiny fking thing there is.

Matters can get lost.

Its just so tiresome to feel evryth al' at once.

So maybe, i choose ignorance.

i hate how my energy get drained over the littlest things.

i dont want to feel anyything anymore.

Theres a hole in my chest, where my heart used to be.

just yanked it out, & threw it away.

Job well done, kristal.

21st was huimin's b'day.

i forgot.

How could i.

damn.

& huimin taught me karma.

yupp. After al` that happened, i kinda believe.

What goes around comes ard aye?

And on the 21st, i had badbad case of gastric.

How come timing so perfect one.

disgusting lars.

Of all days, the day we supposed to celebrate than pain.

Stupid stomach,.

I got alot of thanks to give out though[: heh.

Thanks vinnie for carrying my bag.

Thanks kylie for Sheltering me with umbrella? hahaha.

Thanks Nikki for your shoulder to hang on to? lol.

Thanks poh yee, & i dontknow who dont know who.

heh. As long as you got help me, thanks.[:

& specially bastard![:

For your super super good umbrella ! hahahha.

Go change la.

For trying to catch me in case i fall-.-

Dont know what kind of protection.

heh. 5 stars?

& laughing like shit when kylie umbrella flew away.

hhahahhaa.

Then stopped halfway outside some house,

cause i couldnt freakin` hear a thing.

scary.

At least made it to piazza hut to see huimin!

big big accomplishment.

heh,

Then the four of us sit outside pizza hut.

force me eat.

Pizza hut was supposed to be nice,

but that time 觉得特别的恶心/:

I hate the hypocrisy of it all.

I need faith,

When I trample, who will pick me up and tend to my wound?

In fact, now I believe. No one,.

cause,

you'e not you anymore.

she's not she anymore.

he's not him anymore.

so am i not me anymore?

i dont know.

yes, i rmbred, kristal. you gave up.

On ervything,.

My mood now fits- Cry, by rihanna.

My mind is gone,

i'm spinning round.

And deep inside,

my tears i'll drown.

I'm losing grip, what's happening

And it cut me like a knife

Now i'm, in this condition

And i've, got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

但我知道要放开没有我想象中那么简单.

我好差哦!

2008-01-20T01:21:00.000-08:00

sometimes,you feel tht being you is just not good enough.

'im not a girl,not yet a woman-britney spears.

can really describe my mood now.

bye world.

2008-01-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

Hello?
Is anybody out there?

This endless road withouht a stop sign.
Cant even find a stranger this time.

~~Mood now: depressed.~~

damn it.
i Need to run.
Said that i will run 10 rounds below my house the path there.
in the end eh.
Never did.

& When i'm angry, i run faster.
Like on thursday.
damn it.
Shijudeeen. you gila arhs.
run four rounds/:
damn it.
then run & run run & run.
then come in as one of the fifth?
i dont know.
i just wanted to keep on running,
No mtred, how tired i am.
No mtr how i felt like exploding.
& lord, i will run to you.
Not my might, not by power.
but by the spirit of god.
& yes i will run the race, till i see your face.

Lol. i laughed alot in class.
Marc: whats after science?
me: huh.
Marc: whats after science?
me: huh.
Marc; whats after science?
me : HUH!?>
Marc: whats after science?
Me: HUHHHHHH!?
Marc: WHAAAAAATS AFTER SCIENCE LAA.
me: HUH?
me: ohhohohoh! whats after science ah? i dont know.
Marc: Fuck.-.-

heh. & lessons are alright[:
at least, right now, i can concentrate unlike 07,
when after 3 seconds then give up.
hahahha,

& i feel like a bag of rubbish.
I cant even get what i promised done,
i didnt even put in effort.
i cant even understand what is so easy.
i cant even look away.
i cant even spare a thought for others.
i cant.damn it.
dammit.!
Rahh.

i cant even fking feel happy for one wholeee day.
this sucks.
cry.

I studied history 2 hours yesterday.
I laughed alot yesterday.
I coundnt stop laughing this week.
I cried to sleep yesterday.
Its my lullaby.
I felt quite accomplised yesterday.
i still feel like running.
& stop running the race of life.
this life is like a game sometimes.
You're on my heart just like a tattoo.,

i miss..
i miss...
i miss...

i'vegotal`esymptonsofagirlwiabrkenheart,

2008-01-18T00:40:00.000-08:00

今天我的世界不精彩。。
拼啊！

2008-01-17T02:30:00.000-08:00

TOLD YOU IM GNA GET A BIG TEDDY.

heh. not mine.

4th cry of 2008.

No mtr what, Kristal taaaan cannot reach ten times.

abit retarded eh.

Count the number of cries./:

heh.

Got many photos.

Many things happend,& past.x)

The pictures shall do the talking.

i'm a happy girl for now.

No mtr what.`

& i truely am.[:

hees.

I love laughing till my abs hurt.

Upload some photos first.

Not everything down yet.

heh.

2008-01-11T02:46:00.000-08:00

& its too late to apologise.

this whole post is dedicated to my freakin` bathtub.

i know you thinking apologise for what riightt?

but, i dont know eh.

just..just

like that la!

just really feel like saying sorry.);

委屈你了.

but i know its not too late to biao baaai![:

heh/.thick-smart.

MM-MM-MM.

from the bottom of my ~~broken~~ heart[:

XIEXIE NI.

世界的精彩都比不上你的微笑！ehemehem.stress.;><

有再多的遗憾

我不难过了，甚至试着往着幸福道路。

应为我终于知道我要什么了。我有目标。有奋斗的毅力。
hwaaat aaarh!

heeh,

& sweet ass pig brain xin![:
thanks.
study hard yupp.
good that you atcually sacrificed your sleeep??
miracle ayee[:
but, you know what.
做得好!
拼吧！[:

2008-01-07T06:44:00.000-08:00

& i dont cry on the outside anymore..

Now or Never

2008-01-06T21:14:00.001-08:00

And sometimes I can't really mention how I really feel inside because I tend to forget stuff the moment I start typing. Like I hv so many things to say, and so many different people to talk to,but then again I feel like if I were to tell that someone how I really feel, things might change because life isn't that simple and if I say something I meant but it sounds all wrong, everything might change between us.Because life goes on but feelings dont.Wait I'm not making sense.At all. Shit.)
----.

This morning high school musical played on disney channel again.Switched a million times but still can't find a better show.Sooo.Hehee.Watched it again.Roar.And..this time. I learnt so much. I listened to every word they said. And. whoa.

Once in a lifetime,
means theres no second chance.
So i believe that you and me
should grab it while we can
make it last forever.
And never live it by.
everyday of our lives,
want to find you there,
want to hold on tight,
gotta run while we are young, and keep the faith.
gotta use our voices and scream our loud.
together we will celebtrate

Dont wanna leave it all behind.

Its th bitter taste of losing everything you held on so dear.
We buld this up.
To watch it fall.
And we didnt try at all.

Now or Never

2008-01-06T21:14:00.000-08:00

2008-01-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION--.

Its the third day of school

& i already feeling so tired.

shit/:

But, its alright.

a moments pressure,

for a lifetime pleasure.

School's great.[:

2007-12-29T01:35:00.000-08:00

toxic.toxic.toxic.

hohoho.,

i love. love. love. balloons![:

they make me oh.so happy.

hee.

Pictures taken at vivo,

in the other comp.

sooo, i only got this.

heh.

i look like a freakin` tourist in vivo leh.!

sheeesh.

sooooo, later i'm going to biao shu house.hheh. B.B.Q oh.then New Year also B.bq.

Caught a slight cold.hoho. merry christmas kristal.

Woke up at 2 today.shiokshiok.THEEEEN.i heelp to vacum my bed.hees.notbaddnotbadd.=x

atcually, doing housework qu.itee. fun eh.?ANd i cannot stop sneeeezinglaaaaa!.hoho.

& i can finaally sign in to msn with this new comp![: heh.

i'm the person who wakes up after morning.

i'm the person who gets irratated easily.

i'm the person who slams doors when i;'m angry.

im the person who gets lost & starts crying.

i'm the person whodontgivea.fuck about having a ring on my finger.

i'm the person who wants to rewind back to the past.

i'm the person who wants to erase the past hurts.

i'm also the person who is brave enough to live it all over again.

e.nd. of.me.

i'm worth 1240, 000,000,0000,0000,000,,000000000000000000000000000000$.

ok.offto change & poof.

2007-12-26T04:52:00.000-08:00

I looked at a star on a starry night.
And began to weep.
And the star said,
Girl why are you weeping?
And i said,
You are so far away
I will never be able to touch you.
And the star answered,
Girl if i were not already in your heart.
You would not be able to see me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!`[:
ILOVEYOU.

Spent christmas eve at vivo. blowing bubbles, playing with water,watching movie.
Spent christmas at Aunts's house. treasure haunt, cherade?? , & water balloon! etc.
Spent boxing day at home, glooming. okay lars, not every second. just at night?/:

Fuck. Whats your prob lars? Now all of a sudden, out of the blue,
suddenly,you are blaming me for not being able to cook??~. Like you can like that? Please lars, i cannot cook,.so what? & who are you to blame your wife on her birthday saying that she cant cook thats why she is a unsuccesful mother!`, bullshit. cannot just for once dont make things sad is it? try everyday to make things work. to sound happy. but wtf? you just keep pushiing & pushing & pushing.!

My christmas wish didint came true.
Santa claus, you wish-breaker./:
& look,they got their barbies & teddy.

When i grow up,
i want a big big big big teddy.

you said they said we were embarrasing.
but why do i feel like you felt the same way too.?
yup,i know.
you aint proud.
studies aye?
We'll show you.//

2007-12-23T05:28:00.001-08:00

From today onwards,

i dont want to think so much or what.

i dont want to be sad.

i dont want to tou tong!~.

Atcually, i really dont know what to do,

how to start.

& where to find the strength for 2008!@

feel so guilty after spending so much on hair!~

100$ + gone like that.//

Grr.!~.

cannot do this anymore!.

NOMOREEELAKRISTALTAN.

--christmas is coming.

hohoho.

why is it that as i grow older, christmas seems..
less magical,fun & special?

2007-12-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Now its all said & done.

Dear Lord, i havent been a good kid lately.

aint a good daughter.

aint a good friend.

i also dont know why!`
But todday, i reaally enjoyed myself[:

went back to Geylang Meth. for service?

i dont know whats that called!

but i really enjoyed alot.

hoo.

found back last time the kristal[:

I dont know.

I just know i want to be happy!

so i keep a smile,

though sometimes i dont know why i smile also!~

Then cut hair spend $80/:

wth lars.

darn.

i became...

a good spender instead.

a mesed up girl.

hoho.

i dont know lars!

Christmas coming.

Mom's b'day coming.

Mom's sick, cant even talk.

I just know how to spendspendpspend & invite trouble.

i also dont know why leg!`

aiyo, whats wrong leh kristal?

i dont know!~

nevermind, i still have..

lord!

i must be brave!.

i finally found the reason for living--
& thats for you.

G.o.D[:

i think i really really dont understand at times.

but al` i know is,i really just.. in the end.

want a happy ending.

2007-12-19T05:47:00.000-08:00

连自己的影子都想逃避. //

itreallysuckshowthereismoretoyouthanwhatisee,.
whatyoushow..
fuckyouforthat.`
Grr.
theres a limit to whatever thing.
dont be happy i keep quiet & continue doing it.
you should know.

&fallingheadoverheels.
thoughiknowhowitfeels.

youreaalysuck.
go home & be a cat.
you no. 2.

i'm still gay ya.[:
no more heartwrenching by you,.
no more.
i aint gna allow it to happen.!~